Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Monday, August 6, 2012

One Little Word


I originally wrote this post to help parents who choose to unschool their kids.  But as I thought more about it, it's much more universal than that.  Parents are often looking for advice or guidance on how to do this right. Yet, we all know there are no courses or handbooks that can tell us exactly what to do. Some of that is a good thing - because what works for one family, may just not work for another.   But if you stick with principles, instead of look for a handy-dandy list of rules, you will have much more success. If you think about what kind of parent you WANT to be, then you'll have a much better shot at feeling good with the decisions that will face your family.  

So what makes unschooling work is a lot like what makes good parenting work. And it seems to boil down to one little word.


What is the word?

Camping
Ron with Katie, Alyssa & Michael in the tent
WITH.

A simple preposition that makes all the difference. Think of how important that word is, when you visualize these scenarios.

Playing WITH your children.
....board games
....card games
.....video games
....make believe
....in the treehouse
....on the tire swing
Playing in the sand at South Padre (Sue & Katie)
....in the fort in the living room
.... in the pail of bubbles

Working WITH your children.
....on how to assemble a kite
....or ride a horse or a bike or a jet ski
....about how to change a flat tire
....on how to use mod podge, or make stepping stones
....on how to build a power point, or connect the modem

Talking WITH your children.
....about getting a new pet
....about which movie to go see
....about advertising you both see/hear on TV or billboards or radio
....about what kind of job he might like
On the road to Alaska...
stopping off to explore Yellowstone
....about why grandma has to repeat things so often

Interacting WITH your children.
....about how they feel when kids are mean
....about how to stand up for what's right
....about how to really listen and fight the urge to interrupt
....about what can be done about the homeless man on the corner
....about what you can do when you feel bored
....about what's considered rude or inconsiderate or kind or helpful
....about grocery shopping, or laundering, or cooking



 I'm sure you can come up with a bazillion more examples of things you do WITH your child. I just want you to realize that no matter what it is - the WITH aspect is the most important part!

Remember 20 years ago, the debate was "Quality" time vs. "Quantity" time? It had a lot to do with women choosing careers - but it's really not that black and white. You can have "quality time," and just not enough of it. And you can have "quantity time," but not be engaged or really present with your children. It's never simple, is it? You have to walk into it all consciously - checking and rechecking to be sure you're parenting in the way that you want.

Modeling behavior, having heartfelt discussions, getting the opportunity to share life experiences can only happen when you're WITH them. It seems obvious, but sometimes when you're tired or the kitchen is a mess, parents can get impatient and prefer the kids to go do something in the other room. That's when I want you to remember the little word: WITH.  Time will fly, and your relationship with your child as an adult as well as so many aspects of their own personality, will be directly related to how much WITH Time you gave them.
All of us together before
Michael left for the Peace Corps, Katie left for NYC, and Alyssa got engaged
So if you have to, paste a little piece of scrap paper like the one above with the word "With" on your bathroom mirror...or your put it up on your fridge with a magnet... paint it, cross-stitch it, print it - whatever you have to do to keep it in the front of your mind!


*Yes, this was also at my Unschooling Blog, but I needed it for my daily August 6th NaBloPoMo post! ha! So you might be seeing this twice. 





Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas Day 2011

My Kids on Christmas Morning
So all I can say is, thank God for Skype! This was my first year to not have all three kids here for Christmas morning.  Skype was the next best thing! Michael was able to be with us while we opened presents - including opening his for him right there on the video camera. The mail in Nicaragua is too unpredictable, so we couldn't send him anything. And presents that have any value at all never make it through. So we just opened his presents here: Pulp Fiction, 50 Funniest American Writers by Andy Borowitz, Kindle books that can be read online, and a subscription to Audible Books. So even though Michael is staying with a family that doesn't celebrate Christmas, he could still be part of ours.

If you read about Christmas Eve, you'd know I was up a little late with the wrapping. I was SOO sleepy when Alyssa tiptoed in to say, "Merry Christmas" at 8 a.m. Josh had started coffee downstairs, Katie was dozing on the couch, Grandma had already packed up her bedding from the couch, and Ron was up feeding the dogs. Hard to believe that *I* was the last one up this year!

So we all went to My Little Room with the Fireplace and the Tree.  We pulled up Skype and Michael got on. He chatted and watched. We opened presents for an hour. Everyone was happy.

I hadn't made any Special Christmas Breakfast this year. I need to manage my time a little better next year. I like having the Cookie Exchange the day before Christmas Eve, because we have so many cookies for the actually Holiday.  But it threw me off as far as prep for our Christmas.   Of course, as I type that, I'm pondering the idea of going to Nicaragua for some of the Christmas holidays next year.  Then I can bring stuff to Michael that he might like to have. We'll see.

I evidently didn't have the stabilizer on with the   camera, so our Christmas photos are a little blurry. But here's our Christmas Morning! 


After we ate, Josh and Alyssa went to his family's house for Christmas Lunch and gift-giving. Katie hung out with her boyfriend, Michael and I continued to Skype, helping him figure out how to set up his Kindle books online and audible books.

I had a lovely afternoon of reading my gardening/landscaping magazines - one of my traditional - and favorite Christmas gifts! When we don't have a lot of family over, it's nice to be able to curl up in my little front room with my fireplace and dream of beautiful gardens and future projects.  I even managed to squeeze in a delicious little nap!

Ron's brother Scott, and his wife Pam came by after they ate with family in Georgetown. About that time, Katie and Trenton, Josh and Alyssa all came back here for the evening.

Our Christmas was DEFINITELY different this year. I certainly don't enjoy having Michael so far away for such a family holiday. But I pulled off Christmas Day with no tears. (I got a little teary about it at the Christmas Eve church service, but that was it.)

And, who knows! Maybe next year we'll take a big family trip to Nicaragua!!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Evolution... of a Room

My little front room.  It's had several incarnations and now, it's embarking on a new one!
When we first moved here, it was clear that the little front room was meant to be a dining room. But with our dining room set, that's a tight fit. Still, we managed to cram the whole set in there.  The room has a lovely window looking out on the front yard, even though our neglected bushes partly obscure the view.  We're normally not big furniture people.  But we lived a few years in Greensboro, North Carolina. I think only 1-2 friends might know their North Carolina geography well enough to know that Greensboro and High Point are next door neighbors. And maaaaybe you know that High Point is the Furniture Mecca.  People come from far and wide to buy their furniture straight out of Thomasville and Virginia House and   Heartland. Since we lived there, we figured we better get something.  So we bought a beautiful solid oak dining room set. And the big oak table with 6 chairs and a matching hutch - which was perfect for our huge 1920's home in North Carolina. But when you put people in there too, it's way too much for our little Pflugerville dining room.

So we moved the dining room set to the other room and decided to make it a piano/music room.  When we lived in Wichita Falls, it was common to have Michael and Ron playing guitar while Katie and I sang along.  Michael had left for college, but we still set up the guitars and moved the piano into the little front room. We found a small but comfy inexpensive sofa (at Garden Ridge, no less!) and put it in there too.  It was a nice place for me to go have a cup of tea while kids played Mario Kart on the big screen upstairs and Ron watched hockey on the T.V. downstairs. It's all just a little too much for me. But I didn't want to retreat to my room, absolutely away from everyone, so the little front room sufficed.

Katie used that room a lot to practice piano over the years and work on different vocal pieces. I loved listening to her. Having that room separate enabled her to really get into it without a lot of distractions. But now she's off in New York for a while and the piano was gathering dust. I decided that if she came back and wanted a piano, she should get a good one. She told me she was really thinking about a little keyboard to take up to her dorm in NYC. They have headphones now, and she could play away without bothering anyone.  Michael was gone and guitars were just sitting there untuned. Clearly, the little room no longer needed to be a Music Room.

As I'm writing about my little front room, I'm thinking about how much I have in common with it. I start out my life in one direction, only to make sweeping changes and head another way.  When life changed, I adapted. And that's what my little room is doing too.

I've been searching for what to do now that I'm transitioning out of a full-time mother role.  And I haven't really figured it out yet. But I will. Life works like that.

I pondered and pondered about what my little front room could be. This seemed a little easier to work on than working on My Life.  I finally decided that I like it as a little sitting room. I'll fill it with art that I like. Maybe art about being a mother.  Maybe.  A stereo with soft music could help drown out most of the television noise. That would be nice.  But it still needed something.  And what do I do if I can't think of what needs to happen to a room - marathon HGTV!  HGTV never fails me!

Let me back up to say I had always wanted a fireplace in our house. I'm irritated with jealousy when I get out of my car and I smell my neighbors' fireplaces. It wouldn't have been that much for the original owner to put one in - but alas, he did not. That's where HGTV comes in. They started showing different fireplaces people were using outdoors. Gas and gel were the fuel choices for the newer cooler models. Then I saw them install a gel fireplace IN someone's house! I had to have it!

I went online and looked up gel fueled fireplaces. Not only did they have the sleek models I was seeing on TV, but they also had more traditional looking fireplaces. With no breaking down walls and creating chimneys, I could simply have a crackling REAL fire after all. So the week of Thanksgiving, Ron helped me choose and order a gel fueled fireplace.  And a week later it was here.

In just a couple of hours Josh and Ron had it assembled. The gel fuel had arrive a few days before so we were ready. It looks so real. The "logs" are made of cement but they look real. And it actually warms up my little room. I took this really plain picture of it, right away. Initially the flames burned high about the logs. But just as with a real fireplace, the fire starts to die down a little - and so did this!
Still, you can see what it looks like.
My next pictures will be with all the Christmas decorations on or hanging off of it!

I love my new fireplace and what my little room has turned into now! There's room for the Christmas tree in there too. My little room is finally cozy and well on the way to being my perfect little spot in the house - just the place for me to think about what I want to do with my life.


Saturday, November 26, 2011

It's Always Something

On Thanksgiving, the sliding glass door broke. The wheel inside, that runs on the track, simply broke off. We had been talking about getting it replaced with French doors, but other "House Projects" were ahead on the list. Like the greenhouse I've been wanting for some time now.  Ron bought it a week ago - probably because he didn't want to go through another winter with plants in the bathtubs and Grow Lights strategically mounted on the windowsills.  We went for an inexpensive (relatively speaking) portable model - 12' x 12' . We haven't brought plants in there yet, because we still need to get shelves and lights, but hopefully soon. We were distracted because a couple days after it arrived, the pump on the hot tub broke. It was making some funny sounds, then it just stopped running altogether. The repair man was scheduled to come out the day after Thanksgiving.

On Thanksgiving, we were in luck; the weather was pleasant. We left the sliding glass door stuck in the open position. With 3 dogs at our house, plus another one when Grandma comes, we open and close that door a lot! And it's too heavy for me to lift, so I have to keep calling Ron or Josh to do it. That got old for them, so they left it open for the day. That just meant I had to battle flies in the kitchen while I fixed Thanksgiving dinner.  So Josh and Alyssa did Round One of Thanksgiving with his parents, then Ron went to pick up Katie at the airport. The kids picked up Grandma on their way back to our house for Round 2, and then Scott and Pam arrived. Michael joined us on Skype and we all met everyone in his new host family. Afterwards, Katie's boyfriend came to pick Katie up for a little bit, Pam & Scott left, I took Grandma home, and Ron started the dishes. Lots of coordinating that day.

So the repair man DID come the next day for the hot tub. The motor had gotten wet and a bunch of parts had to be replaced. $650 worth! Then the guy came to measure the door.  Estimate: door plus labor $1200. Cha-Ching! That went quickly!  Ron had been planning to sell Katie's car, so it seemed like a good day to do that!  He cleaned it out and took it up to CarMax. Her little Sunfire - that had been Michael's when we first moved here - was traded in for $3000. That's twice what Ron had expected! I think we only paid about $4000.  She had had several wrecks in it (the girl was never a great driver!), the speedometer didn't work and the interior was pretty shabby.  So when they gave Ron the check, he called me to pick him up, "Hurry, before they change their mind or say that it was the price for someone ELSE's car! hahaha"

So that covered the expenses for the larger items. And the front of our house looks less like a car dealership.

Even though I wasn't going to go shopping on Black Friday, I realized that Katie needed some winter clothes for NYC. I may not have mentioned this, but evidently, I gave away all of her winter clothes to Goodwill last September. She had 2 bags - one for Goodwill and one to be sent to her later. I was really procrastinating about moving her and Michael's things. It just seemed like too much was happening too fast when they both left within a week of each other.  If you missed what that was like, look at Hurricanes on Multiple Fronts.  So within a couple of days of their leaving, Ron was redoing the upstairs floor.  Katie's furniture came out to put new flooring in.  Bastrop's fire victim families needed replacement furniture, and Katie wouldn't really need the bedroom set again. Josh was going to move in at the end of his lease so he'd be bringing his own bed,  a much better one for the room.  So Ron and Josh were pushing for me to make decisions about the bags of stuff....what's trash? what's goodwill? what's storage? In the commotion, the "what's going to be sent to Katie later bag, was whisked away.  The day after Thanksgiving, I went out to storage to see if *maybe* it had been socked away in there somewhere. Nope. Our little displaced Texan faced a New York winter with no cold weather clothes. So we went shopping. And Alyssa, who never misses a sale, joined us. Everyone got new winter clothes.

I know, this is a somewhat mundane story.

But it just seems like...

                  ...it's always something!


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankfulness


So much to be thankful for!
First, Katie's safe arrival home for Thanksgiving!!!  And I'm thankful that she is able to grow and learn in New York City.  And, I'm thankful her grandma is able to help us with that!

I'm thankful that Alyssa has found this program that she likes and excels at. I"m thankful that she'll be able to make a good living with a flexible schedule NEXT MAY! I'm thankful that she was able to simply turn her back on drama and realize that she doesn't have to have it in her life. I'm thankful that she has such a good heart and is such a hard worker.

I'm thankful that Michael is having a great time in Nicaragua. I'm thankful that he finished his degree and learned that he really was smart - in spite of lots of doubts he had. I'm also thankful that he's going to be able to put the Journalism degree to work by writing for the Peace Corps magazine. I'm thankful that he's on his path of figuring out how to be employed AND travel the world AND get to know and help other culture in need
I'm really thankful that we could Skype with him while everyone was here.

I'm thankful that Grandma lives close and is coping with this lack of independence she's facing. I'm thankful that she is generally cheerful even though she's incredibly forgetful. I'm thankful that her house sold quickly and she was able to get to Austin where we could take care of her.

I'm thankful that Ron was NOT as sick as that kooky doctor thought he was. I'm thankful that he did not die on that hiking trip he went on in the fall.  I'm thankful that he continues to endure his job so we can all continue to have fun.

I'm thankful that Pam and Scott were able to join us for dinner. I'm thankful that Scott found such a nice person that brings out the best in him. I'm thankful to have them in our lives.

I'm thankful that Josh got on at the fire department and starts on Monday. I'm thankful that he's open to listening to ideas and suggestions from us. I'm thankful that he's so sweet to Alyssa. I'm thankful that Josh was able to experience a real Thanksgiving Dinner with "all the fix in's"

I'm thankful for my family.

And I am thankful for my friends - some I stay in touch with often, others not as often. But I still feel so very lucky and grateful to have them in my life!

Before I wrote all my "thankfuls," I was thinking about past Thanksgivings. I may come back in if I remember more. But here are a few that stick out in my mind...


Funny memories of Thanksgivings Past...
  • Laura Derrick and I, huddling in the pantry, picking weevils out of the flour so we could make gravy for the 20 unsuspecting guests in the next room
  • Patty Nielsen's family and ours, having a "one course at a time" Thanksgiving on the year we had no husbands for Turkey day and 7 kids between us. We just cooked one thing, everyone sat and ate it. Kids went back to playing until the next thing we felt like cooking was done. This went on all day.
  • Scott Copeland and I in the kitchen, my phone on speaker. I'm making food, he's watching his granddaughter, and my mom, her brother, and her sister are on the phone arguing with me about directions from their hotel to our house. Scott thought it would was funny enough to sell tickets.
  • At the ranch, kids riding horses in laps around the house. And watching Zachary bounce so hard on  Gilly that his wallet fell out in the pasture.
  • Mema deciding that we had to make Ron and Scott's favorite chocolate pie in the middle of my fixing Thanksgiving dinner for 20 with the tiniest oven. Then when the meringue didn't "set," it was all my fault for letting egg yolk get in it.
  • Hannibal wearing chaps, and all of them wrestling the goats to the ground to trim hooves.
  • Jennifer turning up her nose at the green bean casserole, saying it was not like her mother's. I told her she could get her mother to help her make it for next year and bring it. Her response, "yeah, if she's out of prison." That marriage ended soon afterward.
  • Leslie Beam and I were cooking Thanksgiving for Walt and Betty. We were furious because we thought they jipped us out of turkey giblets. Only to find we had cooked the giblets in their little sack IN the turkey!
  • Playing touch football with my cousins in Aunt Marilyn's yard. Losing a gold bracelet and in spite of hours of searching, realizing that the yard just swallowed it up
  • The toilet backing up at my parents house just before everyone started arriving.  Always some major catastrophe like that at the holidays.
  • The year my dad had cancer and my mom got the flu the night before we held Thanksgiving at her house. Probably 30 people. So my cousin Steve and I did the dinner together. We figured it out. I remember Natalie coming in say, "Why don't I know any of these people?" about Ron's side of the family. 
  • When Kirby was suffering terribly from his diabetes, he always made jokes about it.  One year, the house was so hot inside from people and cooking, and he kept going out front to lay on the cool concrete sidewalk. Some of the kids came in to tell me what was going on.  Finally, someone told me, so I went out to get him. It must have looked strange to the neighbors. Gosh, he was a sweet cousin!
  • The year we couldn't get the smoker to cook the turkey because it was too cold. We ended up bringing it into the garage and wrapping it with blankets.  It tasted good, but we ate LAAATE!
  • The year we cooked on the smoker and somehow it cooked up the turkey so much it reminded us of the turkey in the movie, Christmas Vacation
  • Every year that Grandma says something silly and the kids launch into lines from the same Chevy Chase movie. "Play ball!!"

Happy Thanksgiving, Ya'll!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thanksgiving: The Patterson Plan

I could post about so many other things! 
Like the reprehensible actions of the Davis police department on pepper-spraying college kids peacefully demonstrating. 
Or I could post about how my friend's blog was arbitrarily deleted in the middle of NaBloPoMo. (Now it's back but still it makes everyone a little nervous). 
Or I could post about how the homeschooling community often gets derailed with other issues like political candidates or abortion, or feminism. (I mean, really? Do we want to go back to PRE-feminist days??)  
Or I could post about what's it's like to be in "the sandwich" generation - caring for kids AND an elderly parent. 

But I said I'd only talk about Thanksgiving this week. So! That's what I'm going to do!
Respect the Bird!! lol

Here's our plan:

We'll be up early to start the food, per usual. Alyssa will be the only one around to help, so hopefully, she'll be eager to learn (as opposed to eager to sleep-in!)

Katie's flight comes in at 3 p.m., so Alyssa will go to get her. She and Josh will have already eaten at his family's for Round 1 of Thanksgiving. Scott and Pam will have Round 1 in Georgetown with her family.

Michael's new Nicaraguan host family has WiFi at their house! So I'm thinking he might join us for dinner over Skype. :)

This is what Round 2 looks like.  We'll be serving around 4 p.m. - as soon as Katie gets here! :))
(Well, for us, it's still Round 1, but whatever.)

On the Menu:

Appetizers:
  Brie En Croute
  Deviled Eggs
  Olives, pickles, celery with CheezWiz :-D
  Cranberry Fizz Coctail
  Hot Toddies
  Sparkling Apple Cider

The Feast!
  Turkey...cooked "in the bag"
  Spiral Ham...from HEB
  Dressing...Pepperidge Farm, not sure what I'll add to it this year.
  Dressing...Cornbread, small amount, since this is what Scott likes
  Mashed Potatoes
  Gravy
  Sweet Potatoes with marshmallows
  Cranberries
  Green Bean Casserole
  Quinoa with fruit and nuts
  Ambrosia with coconut and colored marshmallows

The Dessert
  Pumpkin Pie
  Pecan Pie
  Chocolate Pie
  Mincemeat Pie
The Great Pumpkin Cake


Yum!


Monday, November 21, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

Monday's Cool Video Day - is a video card from our family to yours!





Happy Thanksgiving Week!  Love, The Pattersons!


Saturday, November 19, 2011

Poor Thanksgiving :(

Don't you kind of feel sad for Thanksgiving? It's a full-fledged holiday, but it's stuck in there between Halloween and Christmas.  A second thought for most people - unless you're hosting the family get together!

But the stores don't care about it at all! People don't spend tons of money on Pilgrim or Native American outfits unlike Halloween. People spend a LOT of money on costumes for their kids - and even their dog! We did!

I saw Christmas decorations already out at Garden Ridge when I was looking for Halloween decor. And last week at Hobby Lobby, when I was gathering items to make wreath for Thanksgiving, I was relegated to two very picked aisles of Fall Holiday items, while the red and green aisles of Christmas were absolutely overpowering.

I keep reading about stores that are going to be open ON Thanksgiving! Those poor workers! I remember in years past, only one store (probably WalMart) would be open for just a few hours in the morning. I knew that, because I always was forgetting some ingredient for the big meal, and I'd have to send Ron or Michael out to grab it quickly. "What? We're out of ground ginger? How can I make the famous sweet potato dish without it?"  Glancing at the clock, we'd make a mad dash to the store. We'd openly chat with the cashiers, thanking them for saving the day for us.

Now, they're probably required to be there just like any other shift!!

Maybe it's a psychological thing. Lots of people have trouble getting along with relatives, and this is just one big old glaring example that you haven't worked out those grudges yet.  Certainly that might be why they all choose to go SHOPPING for said grouchy relatives - instead of actually spending TIME with them on Thanksgiving.

The reality is that once stores got wind that we really were considering shopping for Christmas way early, they were there to appease us.  It wouldn't happen if we didn't go shopping. But we do.

We have an upscale outdoor mall, the Domain,  in Austin. Tonight they lit their chirstmas tea! BEFORE Thanksgiving? Really????

So I am going to dedicate this blog to writing about Thanksgiving for the rest of the week.

Black Friday can wait until....FRIDAY!!! No more encroaching!





Sunday, November 13, 2011

Just a little wallowing....

What a weekend! I know blog posts aren't necessarily just a journal of the day, but with NaBlPoMo, I'm trying to come up with something!

And right now, I'm kind of in "Wallowing Mode!"

Turning 50 has been a pretty momentous year for me. It's the year 2 of my 3 kids moved away. Not just down the road to college but AWAY. Katie to New York City, home only for holidays. And Michael, to Nicaragua with the Peace Corps, home in 2 years. Probably not before that. My baby ended her high school experiment and started in Cosmetology. What that means FOR ME, because I'm guessing by now you realize that I'm only focusing on what all this means FOR ME! When she went to high school, she really was just going for the experience, I think she had about a 60-70% attendance rate. If she was tired, she stayed home. If we wanted to go out to lunch, we did. If she wanted to leave early, I picked her up. Suffice it to say, our heart was not really "into" that experience.  But now that she's in this cosmetology program - something she really cares about - she has something like a 104% attendance rate!  I know, how can you have more than 100%? She goes early and clocks in. So she is there Monday through Friday 8-5. Plus one weekend per month of extra classes. How that all translates for me is that she's never around.  And when she is, she is with her boyfriend. And I love that for her because they both make each other happy, but I'm missing her.

I am missing all of them. So much. You don't even know. But if you were with me this weekend, you might have a clue by my red swollen eyes.

When I brought my kids home to homeschool, I knew I was going to be incredibly involved in their lives. And as they approached their teens, I knew that it would only be for a finite number of years.  So I set up some gardening, started some writing, even restarted NHEN.  And these are  all good projects, but I'm noticing that they don't keep my attention the way doing things with my children did.

This has left a pretty big void in my life. And I want to be careful about what I put to fill the void. I don't want to just fill it with any ole thing. Still, I'm looking for what that will be.

This year also, I made the decision that my mother was too old to drive. She was not happy with the idea. I'll write another post later about what led to that decision and how hard it was to make. But not here. But that means I drive her around a lot. And she's very forgetful. And repetitive.

But this my 50th year, I'm able to say that my friendships are good. I have been able to reconnect with those who are far away from me, and keep in touch with those locally. I'd like to do this a little bit more.

I've joined a gym and tried to do more vegan recipes. I have a daunting number of pounds to lose in order to get healthy. But I'd love to be able to do more hiking and outdoor activities. And I have a huge learning curve for figuring out how to cook in a healthy way. Tofu sits for months in my fridge staring at me, daring me to try a recipe. The bag of quinoa from Whole Foods, just gets pushed to the side of the counter. I know it's good for me, but what the heck do I do with it???

And today, at my workshop, we talked about many things. Lots of old griefs were stirred up. My eyes are very tired from some of the crying I did. But I'm so happy with the group of people at the Toci center. Even though they are all so different from each other and from me, being there, listening to them, sharing with them, showed me lots of insights. It was a good thing.



I'll be back to regular blogging tomorrow, but for now, this is me.


Friday, November 11, 2011

Veteran's Day

I come from a family of Veterans. Yet only one is still alive.  My dad was a veteran of World War II, my uncle was also, but he was in the Pacific theater. My father-in-law went to the Korean War. My husband went to Viet Nam, and the Gulf War.  My cousin's son also went to the War in the Gulf.  Everyone is gone except Ron.

I honor all veterans of all wars, those with incredible patriotism and courage to be willing to fight and die for our rights here in America. Today, I'm reminded that we don't always honor these vets and their sacrifices. We are a country of pulling your self up by your bootstraps. So when our veterans come back with problems, physical or mental, it goes against the grain. We are willing to rally around them while they are returning and/or recovering...initially. But we soon get busy with our lives and forget their needs. We agree with politicians who want to cut their benefits. We give them substandard care at some of the VA hospitals. But those soldiers and airmen believed America when they were told they would be cared for.  They had just made enormous sacrifices for us. They had no idea they'd be caught up in some bureaucratic faceless nightmare down the road.

My dad was on one of the boats sitting in the harbor while the first wave of D-Day set off land mines with their own bodies on the beaches of Normandy. He and his crews would bring their tanks across there 2 days later.  He told me that all he could remember from those 3 days was the smell of vomit and fear and tears as they watched the fates of the troops before them and awaited an unsure future for themselves.

He talked about hedgerows and being so quiet they could hear the Germans whispering on the other side and smell their particular cigarettes. He was only 23 when we went to war, but he was never able to go to Octoberfests for the rest of his life. The whispering of German voices nearby him made the hair on the back of his neck rise.

My dad was promoted to Captain and led tanks across France. At one point, his tank was hit with a grenade. All in his unit were melted into the steel, while he was shot out of the hatch like a cork.  He recovered in a Belgian hospital, and at some point, was given a key to the city and a bag of diamonds. They considered it small compensation for giving them their country back.

As you can see, my memories of his wartime history are sketchy. He's been gone a long time and, yes, I should have taken notes. But I was a kid, and laptops weren't around in the '70s. He and my mom did go to a reunion for his battalion. She said they treated him like a king. They were so happy to see him and reminisce on the days so long ago. He ended up only going to two reunions. He found them terribly depressing. I think it must be sad to be reminded of so much death.

My Uncle Jack quit high school and forged his ID so he could join the Marines. He spent time in the Pacific, but my knowledge of much more than that is sparse.

My father-in-law never talked about his experience in the Korean War. But I am painfully aware of his death in the VA hospital in Dallas. His doctors had very little to say and we had a difficult time even getting him water and baths. At one point, we were all ushered into our rooms and told to stay there, someone in the hallway was angry and wielding a gun. No one was shot, and Ron stayed with him until the end... which came much quicker than any of us anticipated.

My husband, Ron's, draft lottery number was 2. Recognizing the inevitability of it all, he joined the Air Force in the middle of his senior year at Mesquite High School.  He went to Utapao, Thailand, and became a B52 mechanic. Under "sappers", he crawled through the B52s searching for satchel charges which are basically bombs. He served 4 years before he came home. He was so disappointed to see the protestors' anti-war sentiment when he returned through the San Francisco airport four years later.  Not that he expected anyone to be PRO-war, he didn't anticipate them being anti-soldier.

Years later, when we were trying to figure out a way to afford to be a one-income family, he decided to rejoin the military, but this time as an officer. He sworn in in September of '98 and he was transferred to an 119th Evacuation Hospital out of Greensboro, NC. He managed the reservists while continuing to work on his degree. By Thanksgiving, he was packing out for Saudi Arabia. He was part of the advanced team to go and set up a hospital in the middle of the desert.  They did just that. The Christmas holidays were quickly approaching, I was pregnant with Katie. Michael was a toddler and hadn't turned two yet. We had moved back home to my mom's in Dallas to wait out the war.

Three days before Christmas, he was told they were just to stay put out in the desert and the reservists would join them after New Year's Day. The four of them just looked at each other. They had completed their work there. And while their families were braced to spend the holidays without them, they couldn't see a real need for that to happen. So they hatched a plan. The senior officer wrote some orders and they hopped a plane to Germany.  From there, they road across the Atlantic bundled up in blankets in jeeps and other vehicles that were being transported back. It was cold in those big C5s! But there was adrenaline rushing and they wanted to get home to surprise their families. They landed at Dover and all split up. Each was going to take a different route to their families and then meet back together on New Year's Day. They'd beat the troops back to the desert before they'd even know they had been AWOL. Or that was the plan. So Ron hitchhiked to catch a flight out of Philadelphia. He'd have to get to Dallas by way of O'Hare in Chicago. There he was, in his desert BDU's, still covered in sand (who had time or place to clean up?), a 45 in hand. Times were different then. The public seemed to feel badly about the treatment of the Viet Nam vets, so they rallied behind the troops. He got a ride and actually made the flight. He knew he couldn't part with his weapon, but even during pre-9/11 security days, letting him sit in his seat with it wasn't going to happen. They put it in a bin that he could keep visual contact with from his seat. Recognizing that he was clearly "just in from the desert," they bumped him to 1st class and gave him a bottle of champagne to take home. The entire plane cheered.

Back in Dallas, I was finally getting to sleep. Michael had gotten up with his last glass of water. I finally had closed my eyes. Suddenly, I heard the doorbell, and was awake. There was another knock at the door. I looked through the peep hole.  Every military wife's nightmare: a man in uniform knocking at the door. I could see the light from the taxi at the curb. I turned my back to the door. My mom came out and just looked at me horror-stricken. My 2-year old wandered down the hall to see what the commotion was. I was paralyzed.  I must not have stood there for very long, and Ron was able to see that the light had come on in the front hallway. But the door wasn't opening.  Then I heard a familiar voice shout, "Open the damn door, Sue!"  And, right on cue, I did. There he was, ears caked with sand, his sack of clothes over his shoulder. He waved the cabbie on. Did he think we might not be home at 2 a.m.?

Anyway, if you're curious, his commanding officers did hear where they were and simply looked away. They rejoined their troops just after New Year's and continued back to Saudi Arabia until May. He missed the birth of Katie, which happened in February - the day after the war officially ended. We claimed that she was a protestor in utero and refused to come out until it was OVER. So the hospital dubbed her Kuwaiti Katie.

Ron went on to finish his 20 years active duty with the Air Force. We started at Lackland AFB in San Antonio, TX, Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage, AK, Travis AFB in Fairfield, CA, then Sheppard AFB, Wichita Falls, TX.

 My cousin's son returned with serious PTSD and ultimately committed suicide. Ron's cousin never recovered from his own stint in Viet Nam.  Sometimes things go well and sometimes they do not. But all are left with life experiences that most of us cannot even fathom.

I'd just like to personalize Veteran's Day for you a little bit. Real people making extraordinary sacrifices. All so we can sit safely in our living rooms, vote in elections, raise our kids as we see fit.   When you get frustrated with how politics works or how the economy is or how America "ain't what it used to be," remember that men and women endured a great deal so you could be here.

 I received an email today with these numbers:  850,000 unemployed veterans are living here in our country, and more than a million will be returning from Iraq and Afganistan in the next few months and years. That's a lot. And they're going to need jobs. And insurance. And health care.  If you're in a position to help them, please do. And if you're not, simply vote in a way that thanks them for their service.

Happy Veterans' Day. 
Thank you to all who have served. We are so proud of you.


Thursday, November 10, 2011

My Interview


Debbie Harbeson, from Indiana, runs a blog that interviews homeschooling families:

Homeschooling: Freedom and Fun For Your Family

Catch a glimpse inside the lives of families living in educational freedom! This blog is a showcase of short, fun interviews of homeschooling families of all types from all over the United States and the world. These festive, frisky, friendly and frolicsome interviews focus on freedom, flexibility and fun for families, for I feel this is what makes homeschooling flourish. That, and I just like f-words.


So I thumbed a few recent interviews, just to see who she'd already interviewed. Unbeknownst to me, Debbie's been interviewing people for years! Her blog shows that she's interviewed 98 people, but I think there are more than that. I was scrolling back through and I'm so excited! I'll be reading about these for some time now! Some of the interviewees are people I know, and some are just people I WANT to know! I feel like I'm in a nice little circle of folks.

Grab a cup of tea and peruse Debbie's interviews. I'll be over there finding out things I didn't know about people I do know, and people I don't.... yet! And if you want to know more about MY family...here's a copy of Debbie's interview.


No Boring Lecture-Style Learning: Sue Patterson’s Interview


Today’s interview from Sue is great in so many ways. For one thing, her family homeschooled in Texas, California and Alaska and as you read her answers you can see that, no matter where you are, you’ll likely find other homeschoolers to share good times.

Another bonus from Sue is a little update she gave on what her kids are up to currently. I have added that at the end.

Sue lives in Texas now and she has a blog A Life Full of Days where she writes about her current life as well as sharing “what we did, how we did it, what we learned, where we're headed.”

She has also been a board member for the National Home Education Network for over 11 years. I encourage you to check out their site, loads of good information!

But before you do, you really must hear about this family who didn’t need boring lectures because they were too busy having fun learning in other ways - like mummifying Barbies…

1. How long have you been homeschooling (or if finished, how long did you homeschool)?

We officially started homeschooling in 1996. Alyssa was 2, Katie 5, and Michael 7. We weren't one of those families who always knew they'd homeschool. I was a typical stay-at-home mom from the suburbs. But after Michael went to to Kindergarten and 1st grade, we noticed such a marked change in attitude. Our happy-go-lucky kid simply wasn't that anymore. Plus, he said things like, "You don't know, Mom. My teacher says to bring our questions to her, not our parents."

Great. The building of the wedge starts early! Like I wouldn't know the answer to a question by a 1st grader? Sheesh. The whole 2 years Michael was there, they kept pushing for me to take him to a doctor and be diagnosed with ADD. He was just rambunctious and didn't get enough physical activity there!

It happened that the military relocated us from San Antonio to Alaska. So I packed up Michael's school records and simply didn't reenroll him in school at our new home. We did send Katie to school that year, because I was so under-confident.

She went to 1/2 day kindergarten, while we dangled our toes in the homeschooling waters. But that was it for her. Alyssa went to preschool 3 days a week, because she wanted to ride in the neighborhood carpool. Then years later, she wanted to be on a drill team that danced at football half time shows. So she went to high school for a year and a half and did that. She was glad for the experience but quickly learned she didn't want to stay there. She really felt it was a waste of time and kept her from "getting on with her real life!"

So..you asked how long we homeschooled - since 1996.


2. One of the main benefits of homeschooling is the freedom and flexibility it allows. Can you give us a few examples of how this freedom and flexibility benefited you (your family)?

Well, homeschooling certainly gave us schedule flexibility over the years. We only had to work around my husband's work schedule if we wanted to plan road trips or vacations. And, as others have said, being able to plan these trips during the school year meant cheaper off-season rates and way shorter lines! We bought science and museum memberships and were able to go when there were no crowds, because most of them were in school at the time.

We also enjoyed flexibility in our day to day activities. Katie was able to participate in community theatre projects without having to worry about staying up late on school nights. She'd simply sleep in the next day. I felt badly for her fellow actors who were cramming math homework in between scenes at 11 p.m.!

Flexibility meant that Alyssa could spend hours wandering through horse stables with her dad and then later in California, hanging out there doing whatever ranch chores needed to be done. This ultimately led to riding lessons, owning a horse and taking care of it full time.

Later, because of Alyssa's flexible schedule, she was able to take on a make-up internship with a natural make-up company in Austin. She was available to work back stage at fashion shows and learn all about the industry that she loves.

Michael's flexible hours enabled him to work so he could save up enough money to go to Japan as an exchange student.

For me, freedom and flexibility are the most important advantages about homeschooling. Freedom meant we were able to decide the best for our children without others (with their own agendas) making those decisions for us. The kids were free to learn about their own interests and strengthen their passions.

Our lives were flexible enough that when we stumbled upon some gem we wanted to explore further, we were free to do just that. When park days lasted into the evening - we didn't have to rush off and get some scheduled learning completed. Life in general kept bringing learning opportunities. And our flexible schedule allows us to take advantage of all of it!


3. Another benefit of homeschooling is the fun factor. Can you give us a few examples of some especially fun times you had as a result of homeschooling?

We went to some great homeschool conferences (HSC's Home+Education, Live and Learn, Rethinking Education) where the kids could meet kids from all over the state or the country. They were able to hang out usually for at least a whole weekend with each other. Many stayed in touch afterwards.

In Alaska, we banded together with other families to create regular park days, nature center excursions, museum field trips. We had days of sledding on hills that would have normally been packed - but the other kids were in school. We went berry-picking and whale-watching; we even spent the night in a penguin room at a museum in Seward. We had friends over throughout the week for hours on end. Moms created book clubs, shared ideas, or just chatted while kids played together.

In California, we joined groups that already existed. They had weekly park days at huge playscapes, and then we'd move to friends houses for potluck dinners. We had themed "Make & Takes" - families brought supplies for a small craft or food assembly and then the kids went from table to table making stuff and having fun.

My husband Ron volunteered to take Katie & Michael along with 20 other kids and chaperones on the Gaslight, a 108-foot square rigger, in the San Francisco Bay. They spent the day sailing around Sausalito and Alcatraz. He also helped with an overnight Civil War reenactment at Angel Island that the kids were invited to attend.

We had various "co-op" style learning activities with 20+ families usually. Some kids participated, others played along at the periphery. Each time we got together for these activities, they were completely engaging and fun. We didn't do boring lecture-style learning! We mummified Barbies, staged a Civil War battle, hired people to teach Improv, created musicals in our backyards…just to name a few!

In Texas, we did a lot with 4H. We helped grow a small homeschool 4H club. By being homeschoolers, we were able to work on most of the projects during the day - we did community service projects, theatre productions, nutrition quiz bowl, speech and vocal competitions - not what you'd think of initially when a person mentions 4H. But they had all kinds of things we could tap into if we were interested.


4. We all have funny experiences while homeschooling. Can you share one of yours with us?

One quirky thing that we do is quote movie lines. We've done it for years - usually throughout the entire dinnertime, but sometimes just when someone simply passes by. One person shares a somewhat obscure movie line and the others have to guess which movie it comes from.

But here's one funny story for each kid…

When Alyssa was about 5, she had joined a soccer team. One night, we were reading The Indian in the Cupboard, and the kids were all piled on my bed. Alyssa had fallen asleep wedged between Michael and Katie.

We came to an exciting part in the story that read, "He knocked some more!"

With that, Alyssa sat straight up , threw her arms in the air and shouted, "She shoots, she SCORES!" Never opening her eyes, she smiled and nestled back down into the covers.

We laughed hysterically - and repeated, "He knocked some more - she shoots, she scores!" for years.

When the kids were in Alaska, they were part of a performing group called The Sunshine Generation. They sang and danced in parades, at shopping malls, in performance halls, and nursing homes.

Katie, especially, loved the stage! At her first big performance, maybe there were a couple hundred people in the audience. She was up on stage getting into position. She was about 6. She scanned the audience looking for us and finally found her dad. It was as if she were playing her own private game of charades: she put her hands up to her face and motioned as if taking a snapshot with a camera, and then pointed to herself.

She continued to repeat this over and over - as if we were going to forget to take her picture! Ron just grinned and lifted the camera up so she could see he had it and was ready. She planted her bejeweled tap shoes firmly on the stage and gave him a double thumbs up. The crowd chuckled and a few of the audience members close to us whispered, "Good job, Dad!"

Michael played on a volleyball team in Texas. During one game, he missed the ball and the crowd fell silent. He turned to look up at his dad and me and shouted, "I lost it in the sun!"

The crowd laughed, because we were playing INDOORS!. But Ron leaned over to me and whispered, you know he just gave us a movie line, right?

We have so much fun with our kids - and still do! Life's always an adventure!


******************************************

Here’s a bit about what Sue’s kids are up to now:

Michael loved doing community service and learning about other cultures...now he's in the Peace Corps in Nicaragua.

Katie loved acting and did tons of it. She ended up getting an agent, did some commercials and a movie, and is now studying in NYC at the New York Film Academy.

And Alyssa who loved fashion and make-up is now going to a Vidal Sassoon Cosmetology School and will have her license to do hair and make-up at 18.

Just some of the things that happen when kids are allowed to follow their interests. 


Friday, November 4, 2011

Holding onto the Side of the Pool


When I was little, I took a lot of swimming lessons. My dad was a great swimmer and I loved the water.  Still, like lots of kids, I lacked confidence. I would have serious doubts about my abilities to do things. 

So when I had to swim from the shallow end to the lifeguard stand as the "graduation" from Intermediate classes, I was nervous. My dad was a football coach, so he understood about breaking it into smaller steps and practice, practice, practice. Every night, we'd go to the pool. He'd have me swim along near the edgel while he'd walk along beside me, cigarette lodged in the side of his mouth. It was the 60's and everyone smoked - everywhere!  

At first, he'd offer encouragement, "You can do it Susie!" "Keep going!" "Push!" …things like that. But then he started to notice that when he did offer his cheers from the side, I'd grab the side of the pool and say, "What?" I was simply taking the opportunity to rest.  It wasn't long before he stopped trying to say things to me while I swam. Still, I could see his murky outline on deck as I turned to catch a breath. I'd stop and hold the side, "Did you say something?". 

"No! Keep swimming." He had figured me out.  I was probably 6 or 7  and, truth be told, he probably figured it out long before I realized he was onto me!  

Still, I would use this technique to try to interrupt my swimming workout, time and time again. He would continue to walk with me, shaking his head to indicate he was NOT speaking to me at this point.  His disappointment was palpable, even though unspoken. I really WAS trying to "cheat" on the swim. 

Years passed and he and I continued to use that phrase as a metaphor.  If I was taking the easy road, not challenging myself, he'd say, "Are you holding onto the side of the pool again?"  He and I knew exactly what that meant. He spent many a day telling me how I could do anything I put my mind to, and how some things are worth working for.  I was a true Daddy's Girl.  But he knew I had a tendency to go the easy way, or see if someone or something could rescue me from the obstacle I was facing. Less challenging might feel good at the moment, but overall, it's so unsatisfying.  Stagnating, even. And worse, it chips away at me. It only exacerbates any kind of low confidence moments I'm having. It's a negative cheerleader. It's the one saying, "Give up. It's too hard." "You can't do it anyway. Stop now." "How embarrassing."  

I don't know how I acquired it, but for most of my teen years I had a little decoupage plaque that hung on my wall. It was a picture of a setting sun with a small sailboat going out. It said, 

" A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."

My dad has been dead for over 20 years, and I still have all these mental connections to water. When you're swimming and you turn your face to get a breath, if your eyes are open, you can sort of see through the pool water.  I can still see his blurry image as he walked along the side of the pool with me as if it were yesterday. Still I can hear his voice asking, "SusieQ, are you holding on to the side of the pool?" 

Every day brings some sort of challenge, small or large. And every night I can look back and see how I did with it.  I try hard to do my best. Well, sometimes I try hard. Sometimes I procrastinate.  And it's really just another way of holding onto the side of the pool, I guess.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween 2011


For years we've been big Halloween Celebrators.  It was a fun opportunity to decorate and dress up. It didn't take long before it became "Katie's Holiday."  She LOVED it. All year long, she loved it. I'd have to slow her down from decorating the house - she'd want to start pulling everything out in September. Year after year, we'd bargain to get her to hold off on the decorations until October 1st.

But this year, Katie's far away doing her own Halloween. At first, I had such a hard time with it. Nobody there to pull out the decorations with me.  Ron pulled the rubbermaids down off the top shelves in the garage, but it just felt... off.  Still, Halloween presses on, so I'm simplyngoing to rise to the occasion.

So, first we have our pre-party costumes for the dogs...  


But Buddy's shark outfit was too small and we traded it for a pumpkin costume.


At the last minute, Alyssa decided to join the festivities and found a costume to wear to Avenue Five. Hopefully, she won't have to cut anyone's hair wearing this...


Grandma has her lovely headgear. And, she's bringing "a friend" to our house to hand out candy. They live in a Senior citizen apartment complex and kids don't typically trick-or-treat there. So she's bringing her Bulgarian neighbor to see what this is all about!


Then...after a day of shopping and cleaning.... time for more last minute decorating on the patio!




My favorite witch guards yummy snacks
Gracie, the Sheriff



Last minute glitter eyelashes - A MUST!



  And now we're ready! Josh keeps Gracie on her leash. She's trying to get used to being around children. They rush at her and scare her. But that's no problem because Buddy greets everyone! He looks pretty cute in his pumpkin suit, and the kids are quick to offer him to Trick or Treaters who show the slightest interest in him! Most respond that they already have dogs, and they know that trick of trying to palm their dog off on passersby.

Grandma is about an hour late with her friend, Tudor. He is from Bucharest and has a very thick accent. He didn't realize Grandma wasn't going to drive so that was the delay. No worries. They sit on the front patio while the early trick-or-treaters come by.
Sorry so blurry :(

Still getting used to Ron's new camera

Then the Trick-or-Treaters come out in droves. Alyssa commandeers the hand-outs once I realized that Tudor and Grandma were allowing the kids to grab hands full of candy from the basket! I even had to make another run for candy - before it was even dark! Lucky CVS is just up the street! Monster Mash music is pouring out our upstairs windows. Several other houses have competing music. Halloween is now in full swing!


There's still a burn ban going on. Temperatures are cooler but no rain in sight. So that meant we had to ditch our plan to have a small fire on the front patio. Instead, we opted for orange and purple twinkle lights in big jars. That's why Gracie's face is so orange...the glow from the twinkle jars!



I really think I'm going to create a video about Halloween Patterson Style, similar to what we did for Father's Day... obviously not in time for Halloween this year, but VERY soon. While we're still in the mood. There are so many great memories, we'll walk down spooky memory lane together!