One Little Word

I originally wrote this post to help parents who choose to unschool their kids.  But as I thought more about it, it's much more universal than that.  Parents are often looking for advice or guidance on how to do this right. Yet, we all know there are no courses or handbooks that can tell us exactly what to do. Some of that is a good thing - because what works for one family, may just not work for another.   But if you stick with principles, instead of look for a handy-dandy list of rules, you will have much more success. If you think about what kind of parent you WANT to be, then you'll have a much better shot at feeling good with the decisions that will face your family.  

So what makes unschooling work is a lot like what makes good parenting work. And it seems to boil down to one little word.

What is the word?

Camping

Ron with Katie, Alyssa & Michael in the tent

WITH.

A simple preposition that makes all the difference. Think of how important that word is, when you visualize these scenarios.

Playing WITH your children.

....board games

....card games

.....video games

....make believe

....in the treehouse

....on the tire swing

Playing in the sand at South Padre (Sue & Katie)

....in the fort in the living room

.... in the pail of bubbles

Working WITH your children.

....on how to assemble a kite
....or ride a horse or a bike or a jet ski

....about how to change a flat tire

....on how to use mod podge, or make stepping stones

....on how to build a power point, or connect the modem

Talking WITH your children.

....about getting a new pet

....about which movie to go see

....about advertising you both see/hear on TV or billboards or radio

....about what kind of job he might like

On the road to Alaska...

stopping off to explore Yellowstone

....about why grandma has to repeat things so often

Interacting WITH your children.

....about how they feel when kids are mean

....about how to stand up for what's right

....about how to really listen and fight the urge to interrupt

....about what can be done about the homeless man on the corner

....about what you can do when you feel bored

....about what's considered rude or inconsiderate or kind or helpful

....about grocery shopping, or laundering, or cooking

 I'm sure you can come up with a bazillion more examples of things you do WITH your child. I just want you to realize that no matter what it is - the WITH aspect is the most important part!

Remember 20 years ago, the debate was "Quality" time vs. "Quantity" time? It had a lot to do with women choosing careers - but it's really not that black and white. You can have "quality time," and just not enough of it. And you can have "quantity time," but not be engaged or really present with your children. It's never simple, is it? You have to walk into it all consciously - checking and rechecking to be sure you're parenting in the way that you want.

Modeling behavior, having heartfelt discussions, getting the opportunity to share life experiences can only happen when you're WITH them. It seems obvious, but sometimes when you're tired or the kitchen is a mess, parents can get impatient and prefer the kids to go do something in the other room. That's when I want you to remember the little word: WITH.  Time will fly, and your relationship with your child as an adult as well as so many aspects of their own personality, will be directly related to how much WITH Time you gave them.

All of us together before

Michael left for the Peace Corps, Katie left for NYC, and Alyssa got engaged

So if you have to, paste a little piece of scrap paper like the one above with the word "With" on your bathroom mirror...or your put it up on your fridge with a magnet... paint it, cross-stitch it, print it - whatever you have to do to keep it in the front of your mind!

*Yes, this was also at my Unschooling Blog, but I needed it for my daily August 6th NaBloPoMo post! ha! So you might be seeing this twice. 

For MY Trivial Pursuit Partner, I Choose....

Over the years, I've listened to lots of people talk about various educational paths for their child.  We ended up on the fairly radical end of the unschooling continuum, but others opt for a very rigorous formal academic program.  One program is called, "The Well Trained Mind."   When I listened to what their lives looked like and the goals they were choosing for their child, it always made me think of correlations.

• You could dance with your family - or you could do a dance marathon.
• You could swim and play at the pool with your kids - or you could make them train for the Olympic swim team.
• You could go for evening walks after dinner with your family as a way to have healthy exercise incorporated into their daily routine for life - or you could train them to run in the next Boston Marathon.
• You could read to them every night before bed, snuggling and immersing yourselves in the story - or you could create a booklist of classics and require your child to read a new one per week for years.

There's nothing wrong with The Well Trained Mind.  Just like there's nothing wrong with running the Boston marathon.  It just depends on what your goals are.  And how you want to spend your time.  And what kind of role you want to play in your child's life. 

Nurturer or Taskmaster?

Guide or Enforcer?

Model or Authoritarian?

These are all your options as a parent. 

By the quick look at the yahoo groups, it's clear that thousands of homeschooling parents disagree with me. And at the risk of saying too much or pushing too hard, I would ask these people a couple more questions.

If you find you are drawn to The Well Trained Mind, why is that?

Are you excited at the prospect of creating Super Smart Homeschoolers? 

Or do you feel learning the classics is the "correct" education? 

Do you wish you had learned this yourself? 

As parents, we have to be careful to check our egos at the door. Kids are not extensions of us. We cannot wear their accomplishments on our lapel as if they are OUR badges of honor.  And if you feel you have to outshine the neighbor's kids, think again. Someone else's kid will always do better, look better, seem better. As humans we want to compete. But resist the urge. Your child needs you to love them for who they are - not who you wish they would be. You don't really need to have that bumper sticker on the car professing your child's academic prowess.

For those looking at the "correct" education, by whose standards? And at what price? You might be interested in a peek at my idea of What Should They Learn? . It might be a little startling to those who like the Trivium. But there will be little time for these ideas if you are engaged in such a formal education at home.

If you wish you had learned it as a child, what's stopping you now? Realistically, I think this is the only answer that has any merit. If you enthusiastically take on learning  "The Classics," you will be able to share your enthusiasm with your children and they will learn a great deal of information they might not otherwise. 

Of course, all this might do is make them a really good Trivial Pursuit player.

And that would be a terrible trade-off! As a homeschooling parent, you have the opportunity to create a space for your child to love learning, to become who they were meant to be, and to get to learn and live right beside them in love and enthusiasm.  If you turn your world in to a high stress battleground, you forfeit all of that. 

My Interview

Debbie Harbeson, from Indiana, runs a blog that interviews homeschooling families:

Homeschooling: Freedom and Fun For Your Family

Catch a glimpse inside the lives of families living in educational freedom! This blog is a showcase of short, fun interviews of homeschooling families of all types from all over the United States and the world. These festive, frisky, friendly and frolicsome interviews focus on freedom, flexibility and fun for families, for I feel this is what makes homeschooling flourish. That, and I just like f-words.

So I thumbed a few recent interviews, just to see who she'd already interviewed. Unbeknownst to me, Debbie's been interviewing people for years! Her blog shows that she's interviewed 98 people, but I think there are more than that. I was scrolling back through and I'm so excited! I'll be reading about these for some time now! Some of the interviewees are people I know, and some are just people I WANT to know! I feel like I'm in a nice little circle of folks.

Grab a cup of tea and peruse Debbie's interviews. I'll be over there finding out things I didn't know about people I do know, and people I don't.... yet! And if you want to know more about MY family...here's a copy of Debbie's interview.

No Boring Lecture-Style Learning: Sue Patterson’s Interview

Today’s interview from Sue is great in so many ways. For one thing, her family homeschooled in Texas, California and Alaska and as you read her answers you can see that, no matter where you are, you’ll likely find other homeschoolers to share good times.

Another bonus from Sue is a little update she gave on what her kids are up to currently. I have added that at the end.

Sue lives in Texas now and she has a blog A Life Full of Days where she writes about her current life as well as sharing “what we did, how we did it, what we learned, where we're headed.”

She has also been a board member for the National Home Education Network for over 11 years. I encourage you to check out their site, loads of good information!

But before you do, you really must hear about this family who didn’t need boring lectures because they were too busy having fun learning in other ways - like mummifying Barbies…

1. How long have you been homeschooling (or if finished, how long did you homeschool)?

We officially started homeschooling in 1996. Alyssa was 2, Katie 5, and Michael 7. We weren't one of those families who always knew they'd homeschool. I was a typical stay-at-home mom from the suburbs. But after Michael went to to Kindergarten and 1st grade, we noticed such a marked change in attitude. Our happy-go-lucky kid simply wasn't that anymore. Plus, he said things like, "You don't know, Mom. My teacher says to bring our questions to her, not our parents."

Great. The building of the wedge starts early! Like I wouldn't know the answer to a question by a 1st grader? Sheesh. The whole 2 years Michael was there, they kept pushing for me to take him to a doctor and be diagnosed with ADD. He was just rambunctious and didn't get enough physical activity there!

It happened that the military relocated us from San Antonio to Alaska. So I packed up Michael's school records and simply didn't reenroll him in school at our new home. We did send Katie to school that year, because I was so under-confident.

She went to 1/2 day kindergarten, while we dangled our toes in the homeschooling waters. But that was it for her. Alyssa went to preschool 3 days a week, because she wanted to ride in the neighborhood carpool. Then years later, she wanted to be on a drill team that danced at football half time shows. So she went to high school for a year and a half and did that. She was glad for the experience but quickly learned she didn't want to stay there. She really felt it was a waste of time and kept her from "getting on with her real life!"

So..you asked how long we homeschooled - since 1996.

2. One of the main benefits of homeschooling is the freedom and flexibility it allows. Can you give us a few examples of how this freedom and flexibility benefited you (your family)?

Well, homeschooling certainly gave us schedule flexibility over the years. We only had to work around my husband's work schedule if we wanted to plan road trips or vacations. And, as others have said, being able to plan these trips during the school year meant cheaper off-season rates and way shorter lines! We bought science and museum memberships and were able to go when there were no crowds, because most of them were in school at the time.

We also enjoyed flexibility in our day to day activities. Katie was able to participate in community theatre projects without having to worry about staying up late on school nights. She'd simply sleep in the next day. I felt badly for her fellow actors who were cramming math homework in between scenes at 11 p.m.!

Flexibility meant that Alyssa could spend hours wandering through horse stables with her dad and then later in California, hanging out there doing whatever ranch chores needed to be done. This ultimately led to riding lessons, owning a horse and taking care of it full time.

Later, because of Alyssa's flexible schedule, she was able to take on a make-up internship with a natural make-up company in Austin. She was available to work back stage at fashion shows and learn all about the industry that she loves.

Michael's flexible hours enabled him to work so he could save up enough money to go to Japan as an exchange student.

For me, freedom and flexibility are the most important advantages about homeschooling. Freedom meant we were able to decide the best for our children without others (with their own agendas) making those decisions for us. The kids were free to learn about their own interests and strengthen their passions.

Our lives were flexible enough that when we stumbled upon some gem we wanted to explore further, we were free to do just that. When park days lasted into the evening - we didn't have to rush off and get some scheduled learning completed. Life in general kept bringing learning opportunities. And our flexible schedule allows us to take advantage of all of it!

3. Another benefit of homeschooling is the fun factor. Can you give us a few examples of some especially fun times you had as a result of homeschooling?

We went to some great homeschool conferences (HSC's Home+Education, Live and Learn, Rethinking Education) where the kids could meet kids from all over the state or the country. They were able to hang out usually for at least a whole weekend with each other. Many stayed in touch afterwards.

In Alaska, we banded together with other families to create regular park days, nature center excursions, museum field trips. We had days of sledding on hills that would have normally been packed - but the other kids were in school. We went berry-picking and whale-watching; we even spent the night in a penguin room at a museum in Seward. We had friends over throughout the week for hours on end. Moms created book clubs, shared ideas, or just chatted while kids played together.

In California, we joined groups that already existed. They had weekly park days at huge playscapes, and then we'd move to friends houses for potluck dinners. We had themed "Make & Takes" - families brought supplies for a small craft or food assembly and then the kids went from table to table making stuff and having fun.

My husband Ron volunteered to take Katie & Michael along with 20 other kids and chaperones on the Gaslight, a 108-foot square rigger, in the San Francisco Bay. They spent the day sailing around Sausalito and Alcatraz. He also helped with an overnight Civil War reenactment at Angel Island that the kids were invited to attend.

We had various "co-op" style learning activities with 20+ families usually. Some kids participated, others played along at the periphery. Each time we got together for these activities, they were completely engaging and fun. We didn't do boring lecture-style learning! We mummified Barbies, staged a Civil War battle, hired people to teach Improv, created musicals in our backyards…just to name a few!

In Texas, we did a lot with 4H. We helped grow a small homeschool 4H club. By being homeschoolers, we were able to work on most of the projects during the day - we did community service projects, theatre productions, nutrition quiz bowl, speech and vocal competitions - not what you'd think of initially when a person mentions 4H. But they had all kinds of things we could tap into if we were interested.

4. We all have funny experiences while homeschooling. Can you share one of yours with us?

One quirky thing that we do is quote movie lines. We've done it for years - usually throughout the entire dinnertime, but sometimes just when someone simply passes by. One person shares a somewhat obscure movie line and the others have to guess which movie it comes from.

But here's one funny story for each kid…

When Alyssa was about 5, she had joined a soccer team. One night, we were reading The Indian in the Cupboard, and the kids were all piled on my bed. Alyssa had fallen asleep wedged between Michael and Katie.

We came to an exciting part in the story that read, "He knocked some more!"

With that, Alyssa sat straight up , threw her arms in the air and shouted, "She shoots, she SCORES!" Never opening her eyes, she smiled and nestled back down into the covers.

We laughed hysterically - and repeated, "He knocked some more - she shoots, she scores!" for years.

When the kids were in Alaska, they were part of a performing group called The Sunshine Generation. They sang and danced in parades, at shopping malls, in performance halls, and nursing homes.

Katie, especially, loved the stage! At her first big performance, maybe there were a couple hundred people in the audience. She was up on stage getting into position. She was about 6. She scanned the audience looking for us and finally found her dad. It was as if she were playing her own private game of charades: she put her hands up to her face and motioned as if taking a snapshot with a camera, and then pointed to herself.

She continued to repeat this over and over - as if we were going to forget to take her picture! Ron just grinned and lifted the camera up so she could see he had it and was ready. She planted her bejeweled tap shoes firmly on the stage and gave him a double thumbs up. The crowd chuckled and a few of the audience members close to us whispered, "Good job, Dad!"

Michael played on a volleyball team in Texas. During one game, he missed the ball and the crowd fell silent. He turned to look up at his dad and me and shouted, "I lost it in the sun!"

The crowd laughed, because we were playing INDOORS!. But Ron leaned over to me and whispered, you know he just gave us a movie line, right?

We have so much fun with our kids - and still do! Life's always an adventure!

******************************************

Here’s a bit about what Sue’s kids are up to now:

Michael loved doing community service and learning about other cultures...now he's in the Peace Corps in Nicaragua.

Katie loved acting and did tons of it. She ended up getting an agent, did some commercials and a movie, and is now studying in NYC at the New York Film Academy.

And Alyssa who loved fashion and make-up is now going to a Vidal Sassoon Cosmetology School and will have her license to do hair and make-up at 18.

Just some of the things that happen when kids are allowed to follow their interests. 

Homeschooled Voices

I'm working on a book! 

Homeschooled Voices: 

Listening to the Teens

And I need your help!

I'm trying to find as many teens as possible to share a little about what their experience was homeschooling through the teenage years.  The book will be a simple collection of comments from teens - the real experts on what that was like.  

Feel free to share the link and encourage any homeschooled teen or young adult who was homeschooled as a teenager to participate. You don't have to have composed an opera by 19, sailed around the world, or have started a popular rock band. We want to hear from teens who are busy living their lives - it just happened that they were homeschooled during their teenage years.  

Fill out the easy  Homeschooled Voices Survey and BE IN THE BOOK!

THANK YOU!

Out and About

I was asked if we used the community much with regards to how the kids learned.
. Short answer: Yes. Long answer (and I mean LONG)...read this: 

One of the BEST reasons to homeschool is the ability to get out into the community with your children during the daytime.  Lines are shorter. There are way less crowds to deal with.  Plus, you and the kids will have so much more energy to go off exploring in the daytime, instead of waiting until they've already done 8 hours of school and trying to wedge it in those oh-so-short after school hours.

But maybe you're wondering just what community outings I'm talking about. With three very different kids, we’ve had a lot of different experiences.  And, since the Air Force moved us several times, we had the opportunity to discover more cool activities in new communities. Now that my kids are grown, we can wander back down memory lane and see some if any of these ideas might inspire you!

We started homeschooling in Alaska. The kids played in a hockey league and a Coaches Pitch baseball league. They tried Indian Princess and started in Girl Scouts and Cub Scouts.  Each of the scout troops took them out into the community, especially for service. All three joined the Sunshine Generation, a group that sang and performed in parades, malls, nursing homes. We went to the start of the Iditarod, and followed our neighbor who was mushing. We helped our friends with their 14 sled dogs and went on the trails with them mushing. We ice skated at the mall, took monthly classes at the Eagle River Nature Center, the Anchorage Museum, and the Imaginarium (a hands-on Science museum). AND, we got to stay as long as we wanted instead of being hustled back into the bus after just dipping our toes in those different explorations. Our veterinarian let us watch our cats be spayed and declawed. We learned about how the cat's body works, including how quickly their pads pink up when the oxygen level is increased. We went to the Earthquake Museum and talked to people who lived through the Quake of '62. We saw baby polar bears at the Zoo, bald eagles at Homer Spit, and penguins at Seward. We swam at the indoor pool during the daytime, took ceramics class, went to the Opera, and listened to a Symphony. We spotted belugas and 20 foot tides in Turnagain Arm, salmon jumping in the air from the Russian River, and Native Alaskan history in Ketchikan. We picked berries in the mountains, talked to artisans in Girdwood, and pet a baby octopus who was living in a tank the Cordova Visitor Center, We went on a whale watching excursion and we survived a drunk ferry captain in Valdez. We camped and hiked and ice fished and built snow-caves. We went to Denali and saw grizzly bears. We saw black bears in our campground there! We gasped for air when we dipped our feet in the icy Chena River in Fairbanks and stopped off to hear elves working in Santa's workshop in North Pole.

 When we moved to California from Alaska, we took the Ferry, a 3 day ride. We went to the Fish Market in Seattle and hiked around Mt. St. Helen's volcano. We drove through redwoods – yes,  the forests, but also some of the trees that were big enough that cars drove through their trunks!  We picked apples in Sebastapol, saw where The Birds was filmed in Bodega Bay - and watched people's tents blow into the ocean when they couldn't withstand the wind. We got carsick on Hwy 1, touched stingrays at the aquarium and saw sea lions in Monterrey Bay.  We went to park days that lasted all day and astronomy outings that lasted all night. We camped on the beach in Santa Barbara and drank Fig Shakes on Seal Beach. We took Mad Science classes at the Library and more classes at various science and art museums nearby. A "museum pass" could get us into any museum in California – including the big ones down in San Francisco, so we went there too!  We saw Alcatraz and walked on the Golden Gate Bridge. We took a 108 foot Square Rigger named the Gaslight on the San Francisco Bay, and Michael and Ron spent the night with a group at Angel Island, reliving history. We ran the spotlight and the Tinkerbell light when Katie first started in community theatre, and often drove to Sacramento to watch Improv. We hung out at Barnes and Noble and Jamba Juice and we never missed the monthly farmer's market in Davis. We watched sheep be sheared at the county fair and took hay rides in pumpkin patches and apple orchards. We ate peaches that fell off the tree after the "shakers" came by to harvest. We smelled the almond and plum trees in bloom. We took horseback riding lessons and helped at ManMar ranch, an A & M veterinary training ranch. The kids learned about race horses, and in vitro insemination, and "crazy mares." They watched foals be born and old horses die. We helped build a barn and bought a horse. They rescued an injured Barn Owl, and saw the Raptor Center in action.  Weeks later, we went to a park and watched them release our little owl, ready to go back to the wild. We held unique birthday parties, including a “Bring Your Pet” party – even Alyssa’s Dentist and Hygienist came with their turtle and kitten! We watched Harry Potter premieres and hosted birthday parties that were totally Hogwart themed. We went to Rennaissance Faires and held Halloween parties with dry ice experiments. We hosted a Japanese Exchange student and took him to San Francisco to eat at the Bay, to ride roller coasters in Santa Cruz, and to a homeschool conference in Sacramento. We camped and hiked and learned to sail on Folsom Lake. We learned how the locks work in Lodi. We made the local news with our support group's Civil War Reenactment and we starred in a homeschool documentary.

Then we moved to a ranch in north Texas where we had horses, cows, goats, chickens, dogs, cats, birds, guinea pigs and a donkey. We had a lot of veterinary excursions with those! We participated in Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts. Alyssa even delivered Girl Scout Cookies by horseback! We saw hydroponic farming with live fish, worked in pecan orchards, ate fresh  peach ice cream in the Peach Festival in Charlie. We had air soft wars in neighboring fields, took cattle to auctions, and talked with the people on a real covered wagon train that had pulled over at the edge of our pasture. We participated in 4H which exposed us to SO many people in the community. The kids participated in elections, held offices, and met so many different people.  We bought a calf and started a cockatiel business. We birthed a calf with our neighbors. We met local news people,  were interviewed a few times for the community service projects we did, and participated in a film school offered by the public television service out of Dallas . Michael got his first job at Target and Katie got her first lead role at the community theatre. We spent a lot of time in various community theatre projects. We visited with a woman who had no running water, but collected rainwater in buckets. She was nearly 90 and could tell us about what it was like when Burkburnett was really a Boom Town and how rough the oil field workers were living in tents nearby. We handed out toys every year with the Toys for Tots program through the Salvation Army, and we organized huge blanket drives for the Linus Project. We built houses with Habitat for Humanity and worked the soup kitchens on New Year’s Eve. We went on camping trips, and rock climbed, and zip lined. We walked through emu farms, prairie dog mounds and participated in small town Christmas parties. The girls took tap and jazz and ballet and hip hop. Michael took a girl to her prom and started community college classes.

When we moved to the Austin area, we went to concerts, large and small. We continued with dance classes and theatre classes. We learned to use the bus system. We watched high wire acts at Cirque du Soleil and watched the Ringling Brothers unload elephants in the middle of town. We talked to legislators and worked on political campaigns. We learned about bats and watched them fly out from under the Congress Avenue bridge. We traveled with Alyssa's competitive cheerleading team, got involved with the SCA, and joined writing groups with NaNoWriMo.   We saw WW2 
re-enactments in Fredericksburg and we watched how fast the sun sets from the top of Enchanted Rock. We spent a lot of time hanging out with friends and their families.

Vacations were always filled with learning, whether we meant it to or not! We watched bison and geysers at Yellowstone, Revolutionary history in Alexandria, and national monuments in D.C. We explored New York City with its rich immigrant history and fascinating architecture.  We messed with the fish at a hatchery in Arkansas and danced with the jazz culture in a rebuilding New Orleans.

Their teen employment took them out in the community with jobs as cashiers  and instructors (dance, make-up, swimming lessons), baby-sitting and pet-sitting, bookstores and movie theatres,  life-guarding, house-cleaning  house-sitting, and even radio D.J.-ing.

Alyssa took on an internship with an organic make-up company. She learned to run the store, work with customers and teach Girl Scout troops. She learned to do make-up on fashion shows, walked the runway herself (once!), and assisted photographers. Her love of eyeliners and color combinations led her to a Vidal Sassoon cosmetology program where she will be paid to play with all that.

Opening up our home to the exchange student when Michael was 12, led him on a path of cultural and foreign travel. He started with his own exchange student program – 3 months in Japan at 16. He took Archaeology/Anthropology classes in Belize, and is now on an assignment for the Peace Corps. Ironically, the boy who never stepped foot in an American high school now teaches English in a Nicaraguan high school!

Katie’s love of “putting on a show!” started with backyard theatre productions with our support group kids in Davis and Dixon, Califronia.  From there, she moved  to community theatre, then to local films and commercials and now she's enrolled in a conservatory in NYC.

The point is simply that involving your kids in the community helps them discover what THEY would like to do. What adventure interests them? There’s no telling what it will grow into. While you may not have lived in as many places as we did, you could. We chose the military so I could be a stay-at-home mom. And that enabled me to get out and about and become the best tour guide around! 

Sure, when someone says, “Do you do things in the community?” or “What do you do all day with kids?”,  I just smile. My days are only limited by my stamina!   If you will just look around and be willing to drive a bit, involving your child in your community (and your neighboring communities) will be the best homeschooling choice you make.

Hurricanes on Multiple Fronts!

I wasn't writing much because I was knee-deep in preparing for one of the most difficult things a mother like me can do: Getting my kids ready to leave home.  Michael had graduated from college, was accepted by the Peace Corps, and had an assignment in Nicaragua. Katie had been accepted to the New York Film Academy.  My little unschoolers were ready to go off to explore their dreams. Unfortunate for me that they couldn't do this a little closer to home, but...roots and wings, right?

Sue's Meticulous Plans

So my little house of cards was set up. After shopping and packing and prepping - and lots of tears from mommy - we had a plan! I'd take Katie to NYC on a Thursday, we'd stay together for a day or two, find the grocery stores nearby, practice on the subway, etc. She'd check in on Sunday, I'd fly out on Monday. I'd be home in time for some last minute time with Michael, who would fly out of Austin on Tuesday morning at 6 a.m. Short, fast, do-able.

Slight glitch. I had forgotten about Alyssa's first fashion show with Avenue Five. It was scheduled for Friday night. Luckily, Priceline was lovely and simply changed my departure date to Saturday morning. We'd all go together to the fashion show, along with family, friends, & Alyssa's boyfriend's family. We'd pack ahead of time and be ready to go out the next morning, 8 a.m. That would leave one day for Katie and I to figure it all out, but we could do it. Packing it in was our style anyway, right? Crisis averted.

And what is bad when you build a little house of cards? A breeze.
My breeze had a name:  Hurricane Irene.

 We had been watching the hurricane on the news, but it seemed so unlikely that it would hit NYC.  We looked at it as an adventure that Katie would be sharing with her roommates, and they'd always remember that they were the group that blew in with Hurricane Irene. It was starting to look a little ominous that I might not be able to get back on Monday, in time to see Michael off, but I *could* get Katie settled before the storm arrived. Michael had traveled before, so that's how I prioritized it. Still, I wasn't that thrilled with the idea of missing him.

As we were all dressed and walking out the door to the fashion show, Katie received a text from the dorm in New York: "Evacuating residents. Registration/Check In for Sunday is CANCELLED."

I could regale you idioms like "best laid plans of mice and men" or other such things. But my brain was on overload.  I picked up the phone and called the dorm, "Really?? I just spoke to someone there saying that the kids COULD check in, changed the flight, etc." They were really patient with me, because I must have sounded like a lunatic wanting to send my child INTO a  hurricane!  I was like a hurricane in reaction to a hurricane! We knew that the mayor had decided to shut down all public transportation. Our car service emailed saying that if you can get here, we will drive you anywhere that's available. But the dorm guy said, "Listen, it will be very unlikely that you'll even GET a flight to come into JFK tomorrow at all. But if you get her here, we'll take care of her. Everyone didn't evacuate. And it is the north end of Manhattan."

 So we stuck our head in the sand for a couple of hours.

We went to the Fashion Show, unsure of what our next 12 hours would look like. How does one predict the path of a hurricane anyway? The show was awesome. Alyssa did some great work on the models. We skipped going out for dessert afterwards, and just ate ice cream at home with the family, Grandma, and Josh.  Turning on the computer, we discovered that the dorm guy was right, all flights to JFK were cancelled.

Ron could see that I was dangling from the end of my rope. So he sat on the phone for hours, first  trying to reach Priceline, then trying to figure out the best flight to rebook.  I tried to cancel the pricey hotel I was going to stay in, but because I used a service to book it, they couldn't unbook it. I had visions of being charged anyway.  Suffice it to say I have no extra money laying around. I canceled the car service and rebooked it to the later date Ron was able to get.

The next morning, I could get the booking service for the hotel. They were working from their homes because they had all be evacuated. No charge, no problem. Whew.

So after all of this chaos and drama, everything worked out. Just like a hurricane - crazy wild when you're in the middle of it, then the next morning, the sun comes out, and if you're as lucky as we were, it looks like nothing ever had happened.

Michael's flight to D.C. wasn't canceled, and I was able to take him to the airport to go off on his adventure.  While I have received a couple of emails from him since then, his last text to me as he was boarding the plane from Miami to Nicaragua was, "Off I go, into the wild blue yonder..." Air Force people will know that line. Mothers do not like to hear that though.

 
Katie got to spend more time with her boyfriend. We left on Wednesday, and got her settled. We checked out a few grocery stores together, ate at some cute cafes, and then I came back the next day. She figured out everything else  on her own, no problem.
I, on the other hand, cried in the car all the way back to JFK airport. The driver kept looking at me in the mirror, but stayed silent. Probably for the best. 

I love my kids. I love their sense of adventure. I KNOW where they get that! But sometimes I wish we could scale it down a bit. Don't some kids just move out into an apartment nearby? Would that have been too much to ask???

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

See Genius!

"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world...are the ones who do."


I absolutely love this video. It comes from the Humanity Healing Network. The writings are from Jack Kerouac. Doesn't this make you think about raising children to be who they are MEANT to be? Not just "successful" or "likeable" or "employable"...

It makes me think that our whole purpose as parents should be to help them get so comfortable in their own skin that they can do what they've been put here to do. No fear. Eyes open.

Cydney reminded me that a smaller version of this was part of an old Apple computer commercial. No wonder it seems so familiar.

Father's Day!

 

This is so cool! We took all kinds of pictures over the years. But we've pulled out a collection of Ron with the kids. 

Enjoy the video!

Michael's Graduation

 

Today, Michael graduated Magna Cum Laude from Texas State University!

His degree is Mass Communications - Journalism
with a minor in Anthropology.

We are so proud of him!

He had a wonderful experience at Texas State, even though it started out a little rocky. He was always on the Dean's List, he joined a bunch of clubs, worked on the school newspaper, even hosted his own radio shows on the school's radio station. It was a fantastically successful experience!

Looking on with disbelief!

With Alyssa and Katie

On the Big Screen in the auditorium

New York City (Day 1)

This is our 4-day trip to NYC. Our primary goal was to see where Katie wants to go to school and get it all set up. Additionally, I wanted to take another trip with Michael before he leaves for the Peace Corps, and since the last NYC trip was primarily theatre-focused, to let him find more fun in New York. And, since Alyssa didn't make the first trip with us, I wanted her to have the experience as well.  But because my memory is terrible blogging seems to be the way to go.

Up at 4 a.m. Two cars to get us to the airport. With our boarding passes already printed, we got through with no problems. Actually, Alyssa found that she had gotten through with a tiny pocket knife in her purse! And they did want to check Michael and Josh's carry-on bags - they're such suspicious-looking characters!  But mainly, we slept on the airplanes. American airlines, connecting flight at O'Hare then on to LaGuardia.

Carmel Car Service - great service. With 5 people, it was cheaper and faster than the Super Shuttle (@$16/person). We had a minivan for $50, plus the $6 toll and the tip. We made it from LaGuardia to Times Square in under 30 minutes each way.

Marriott Marquis
2nd time at this hotel on Times Square. Didn't splurge on the Times Square view. Still, the 42nd floor let's you see pretty far - glimpses of the Hudson River, John's Pizzeria, Jersey Boys, American Idiot, and the Golden Hand at Madame Tussard's! Lovely room. Really convenient for tourist stuff.


Hell's Kitchen Flea Market
Not very big, so not too great. Josh found some great boots, but they were too small. Still it was a fabulous place for some NY people-watching. Many were all decked out in their VERY extravagant Easter "bonnets."





Junior's.
 It started raining and we ran across the street to Junior's for sandwiches. We were running late so we got them to go. Not that great for the money. Probably because we had to carry them a little ways before we ate.  Waiter comments from Bubba Gumps were that we should only get our cheesecake from Junior's and get our Pastrami Sandwiches from Katz.

Squeezed all 5 of us into a regular sized cab (after a little begging on my part), $5 to get us to The World Comedy Club on 53rd. Good news, we had a coupon for $10 each tickets. We knew we had to have a 2 drink minimum, but we were a little surprised when the bill came - $82!  Bottle water - $10, Beer $16-18, Soda $20. They let us bring in our sandwiches from Junior's, and the 90 minute show was funny. Good first night entertainment!

Found The Food Emporium on 49th & 8th on our walk home from the Comedy Club. Picked up fruit for next day breakfast....even though we ate most if it that night! The rain had stopped while we walked, storm rolled in again afterward.

Walking back toward hotel

A rainy night in Times Square

Still busy there, even if it rains!

Just back from the Comedy Club!

What Should They Learn?

I read a blog about "What should children learn?" They were trying to think outside the box. They wondered if the focus on traditional subjects is really all that important. Seeing the responses was interesting. I had an inkling that my list would not resemble too many others, but with 3 teenagers, and 2 grown step-kids with children of their own, here's what I think are the most important things children should learn:

• Kindness and compassion. Learn how to put yourself into other people's shoes.  When everyone else jumps on a bandwagon against something someone did, hold back a little bit.

• Live in the moment. Realize that there are about 16 waking hours in a day. And when they're gone, they're gone. There's nothing wrong with having a little "down time" but make sure you have some "up time too."

• Listen to people when they talk to you.  Give them your full attention.  Think about what they're saying but also why they might be saying it to you.

• Learn healthy eating choices and find exercise that you like and can do nearly every day. You're going to be in this body for a while - longer if you take care of it

• Learn your strengths and your weaknesses. Do something about or with both. Take time to get to know yourself.

• Learn about the nature of advertising and marketing. 

• Learn how to pursue your interests. Learn how to find information on the internet.

• Be brave. Try new things. You never know what you might actually like.

These are what come to mind when I think about what children should be taught.  In school curriculum, I think they call these "threads." They are supposed to permeate different subjects year after year. I like the idea of these topics being the important threads.  I believe the reading, writing, and math will present itself.  And if you need these more traditional "subjects" for a job you'd like to pursue, that's why we have community college.

Sleep Issues & Real Life

 For years, I've let my children sleep however late, and go to bed at whatever hour. It worked well for our homeschooling lifestyle. We got up early when we needed to be somewhere. We went to bed when we were done with our day. But I would frequently be accosted by people saying,  "How will they be able to hold down a job - follow a schedule - adhere to expectations -- if I never impose any on them as children?" Well, it's a non-issue. It's like practicing the act of waiting in line. Or working on eating. Honestly, when they were younger, I'd think, "well, they just won't choose a job that conflicts with their natural rhythm." They seemed to be night owls and there are plenty of jobs that "start late."

But that's not what happened.

What actually happened is that they found a job they wanted, and they made their own rhythm cooperate. They are not late to work. I sometimes don't even get up with them! They have alarm clocks. They shower. They manage just fine thank-you-very- much (I don't mean that snappy tone for you all - just my long ago naysayers!) Katie proved this to me when she went to stay with her grandma in Dallas so she could attend a month-long intensive drama program. She got herself up at 5 a.m., checked her email, fixed her breakfast, showered, dressed, and caught the city bus to go downtown. She was 15. She's nearly 19 now, and if she needs to be at work or go to an audition or take a class, she gets herself there on time. She is aware that she needs to go to bed earlier than usual, and just goes.


Michael and Katie's first jobs were at Barnes and Noble. They had a lot of 7 a.m. shifts.  They were never late because they wanted to sleep in.  At 13, Alyssa started going to cheerleading competition on weekends. We frequently stayed in hotels and had to be at the competition by 7 a.m. That meant she usually needed to start getting ready around 5:45. She jumped right up and started getting ready. Now she's in school and has to be up by 7:30 every weekday.  She has no problem with it. Sure, she sleeps until noon on the weekends when she can, but she stays up late then too. And it's not because she had to practice to do this.

So, that's my real life experience with kids and sleep schedules. No one needed to rehearse getting up early. They did/do it when they need to.

Just an interesting little fact... at least to me.

IMPROV = LIFE

So today didn't start out great. Actually, it's been several days of not-good. But sometimes, when you get to the end of your rope, and you're just hanging there, you can look around. And if you CAN, you can see. Or you can hear. Or something you already knew can come back to the surface...

My friend Teresa just called to tell me about this great Improv Class that her kids are taking downtown. She said the teacher just had so much great positive energy she wanted to tell me some of the stuff she heard. Teresa said, "She's talking about IMPROV, but I think it's way more than that."

Instead, look what the Improv Teacher says...

....Say Yes to everything and then just add on to it.

....It's all about failure. It's gonna happen. It's what you do with it that makes it good. So laugh it off and turn it into something good.

...Keep moving. Keep moving. Keep moving forward.
No stopping and dwelling.
You throw stuff out and keep moving on.

....There are no Buts in Improv


Indeed. Life really is made up of Improv. One Improv act after another. The audience always thinks there are no rules. But there are. Because GOOD Improv follows a few basic steps. Just a few. I can handle a FEW rules.

I think I'm about to improve my Improv act. ;)

"SPONTANEOUS" Pillow Fight at the Bat Bridge!

Every night in the summer, tourists and flying mammal aficionados gather at the Congress Avenue bridge to watch the nightly emergence of the bats. Everyone sits on the banks of Town Lake between the Austin American Statesman building and the bridge.  This time, we joined Flash Mob Austin on an undercover mission. The plan was that secret agents would intermingle with the others there and on cue, erupt into a giant pillow fight. Then as quickly as it started, it ended. Everyone sat back down as if nothing happened. Non-agents sat back amused and completely bewildered!

This video is a good explanation of it all from last year.


This video has less explanation but shows how it grew. This is the one where the kids participated:

New Unschooling Chapter

How can unschooling include schooling? It seems the two would never meet.

Yet, here I sit.

Alyssa, the youngest of 5 and always unschoooled, has decided that she wants to go to school. It's not that she feels she doesn't learn. It's not that she thinks her lifestyle is not what she wants. But she wants more people - boys and girls. Dates that wouldn't require complicated family coordination. And girlfriends that she could run over to their house and hang out for a few hours and vice versa. She has tried making friends online, and they always live far away. She longed for friends in the neighborhood.

As we were driving across Austin, we started talking about friends who left homeschooling for high school. We talked about some of their experiences.

Then suddenly, Alyssa said, "well, I'm not smart enough to go."
"Why would you think that?"
"I just think that there are some things I didn't learn, and they already know."

This is partly true. We didn't spend years drilling on times tables or labeling sentence structure. We had always unschooled, so learning didn't happen in a linear fashion. While every day was filled with learning, it hadn't been compartmentalized by grade level.  She hadn't been taking achievement tests or TAC tests, or whatever was the latest fad in standardized testing.  Our experience had been that they learn what they need by adulthood. And Alyssa wanting to try high school would be interrupting this process. But, "the process" wasn't nearly as important as Alyssa choosing her own path. She was having some doubts and wanted to see what I would say.

And kids her age did. There were times, over the years, that other children or even their parents, would quiz Alyssa on what she knew and didn't know. And evidently, that stuck with her.

So I had no choice but to take a deep breath and respond, "I think that if you really WANT to go to High School, you could go and you'd be successful. And after you're there, you would see that you are every bit as smart as the others there."

She just looked at me. She never imagined that I would agree to let her go. We talked a little more about her reservations and what we could do to remedy them. I remembered times in the past when other schooled kids - and sometimes even their parents - and quizzed her on what she knew and didn't know. Evidently, that had stuck with her.

I agreed to call the school counselor when we got home. She was nervous but excited. I KNEW she would be successful if she went to school - but I needed her to know it.

So, now we're considering this, her newest adventure!