The 4 Agreements

A small book with a huge ripple effect!

My friend, Cydney, and I came across this book written by Don Miguel Ruiz a few years ago. We had a lot of drama in our lives as our kids were in the midst of serious teenage angst. We read the books and thought it would be great to have them read the books as well. The principles were so simple and it would be so helpful for them to get control of some of the reactions they were having to circumstances that presented themselves.  Cydney bought several books and strategically placed them throughout their house.  I don't know if her children read them. In my house, Michael read it and loved it. (Of course)  Katie skimmed it, but wasn't interested really. And Alyssa let me read pieces of it to her. She often could see how it applied to others, but was having a hard time applying it to herself.

So Cydney and I decided we would simply try to learn more about it for ourselves. We read articles on line, listened to podcasts, and even attended a workshop focusing on an overview of The Four Agreements. We were hooked! We signed up for some more intensive study and began taking a Thursday night class. If we were going to see this work in our families, perhaps we simply needed to start with ourselves.

The 4 Agreements are simple:
1. Be Impeccable with your word means to speak the truth to yourself and to others. Avoid gossip.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally is understanding that it's not really about you. What others do or say tells about them, and their projections. When you recognize this, you can avoid so much pain and drama.
3. Don't Make Assumptions is all about communicating clearly. Check and double check if you are understanding what someone is saying or doing before you spin off weaving some story in your mind that may not be accurate at all.
4. Always Do Your Best, and this varies from day to day depending on how healthy we are that day. But strive to be the best we can be and avoid self-judgement and self-hatred if we fall short. Simply continue to do your best each day.

So today we're off to a weekend workshop on some of these principles. We discovered that it wasn't just the teens that needed to clean up some of the negative self-talk going on. We needed it too!

Choosing "My Word"

Every year, instead of making New Year's Resolutions, my friend chooses a word. It's a word she wants to concentrate on, to incorporate more into her daily life. I've always been a little envious, because I could never be decisive enough to find ONE word. Somewhere along the way, she sent me an article, because evidently lot's of people were doing this. Check out the article, Resolution Revolution, to help you understand what I'm talking about.
But my point about all of this, is that THIS year, I have found my word! FOCUS. When I thought of it, I knew it was MY word. 
FOCUS seems to be a strange choice, yet if you look at my life and my path, "strange" isn't really that strange at all! It's kind of my version of "normal" or "expected." Well, normal is a bit of stretch, but, you know what I mean.

Here is why I choose FOCUS. I have this feeling right now. This little voice keeps saying "Now or never" and "Fifty on Sunday, ya know." I have no negative connotations with that number. I have many people who inspire me that have long since passed that "marker." yet, for me, it's a wake up call. Time to FOCUS.

While I haven't chosen a particular word for my birthday in years past, I can look backwards and see several that jump out as a noticeable presence:

JOY             LAUGH             FREEDOM         ACCEPT

        WILD                PLAY           ADVENTURE      
                     FLOW            GIVE                                         

And I think each of these words have left an indelible mark on my heart, Many of which have settled into my core. They are as part of me as my height or my shoe size.  But with these core ideas and words that define me, that little voice creeps through. Wandering between words like WILD and JOY. Whispering to me that the clock is ticking, "if not now, when?"

So I choose FOCUS.

And yet, I'm not even sure what I am to FOCUSING on! But I have a sense of waking up. Rubbing my eyes, still blurry from a late night. All my past words still with me. All of them turning to me, smiling, saying, "ok...what next?"
My response? Ok, let's FOCUS.

FOCUS

Gratitude Journals

Let’s face it. Teenagers are on a roller coaster when it comes to their emotions.  It’s so easy for them to get swept up in the drama of day to day living.  This easy tip will help raise their spirits if it’s a particularly low day, and help reinforce the good if all is going pretty well. Not to mention, it's a good life skill to carry you forward into adulthood. It's not like rocky roads happen only in adolescence!  Parents just need to give teens tools to help them cope.

Start a  gratitude journal. Maybe something nice from the local bookstore. Or maybe just a spiral they can keep near their bed. But the ONLY thing that should be recorded in this particular journal is gratitude. 

The whole process should only take a few minutes before bed. Sit still and think about how the day went.  From start to finish.   If you begin to think of something that went wrong, for this little span of time, put that aside for now and keep the focus on what went right. After walking through the entire day, list at least three things to be grateful for.

Here are a few questions to maybe think about.

Who did you see?
Who did you talk to?
Did you read anything that made you feel good?
How was the weather?
How were your pets when they saw you?
Did you exercise? How did it feel afterward?
Did you watch anything funny happen?
Did you see anything beautiful?

Our entire attitude is affected by what and where we choose to focus.  Hasn’t everyone had the experience where all was well until ONE person did or said ONE negative thing? And then all the good was tossed out the window and replaced with an overwhelming feeling of discontent?  So, instead of being swept away by the squeaky wheels in our lives, let’s get back in the driver’s seat. Let’s deliberately pull the positives to the front of our minds.

Try this for a month. See if it helps.

Soul Revolution

I really believe that when you relax, you are so much more open to all the opportunities that await you. Whether you believe it's God or The Universe or I-don't-know-what... it just happens that way. At least for me.

After a couple of stressful weeks, I started this thing at our new church called Soul Revolution. The program asks that you let God speak to you every hour. A stopwatch goes off hourly, just to nudge me. At the time, I just think about....

• Is what I'm doing the best I can do?
• Am I open to God talking to me?
• Am I letting God flow through me to whomever I'm interacting with?
• I take a deep breath and remind myself to relax.
• I remind myself that there is a larger plan. And, while I may not know all the pieces of it right now, I know that good awaits.
• I take a moment and ask God to help my children feel loved, and confident, and totally protected. I know that when they feel these feelings, all their choices will be better and they'll simply be happier. And isn't that what every mom wants?
• 
  

Somehow that just reassures me to breathe easier and stress level drops noticeably and immediately.

I'm starting to stop listing off all things I want God to do for me and instead, I'm trying to be still enough to hear what suggestions God might have for me.

It's an interesting journey.

Another thing about this is how we came to this.  It's always interesting to me how people are placed in our paths and we may not even KNOW why. Some friends of Alyssa went to this church and mentioned it to us. They're not people we'd necessarily expect to share similar spiritual ideas or philosophies. But still combine these people with a church we had never heard of.... divine intervention. Gateway turned out to be just the kind of church the girls and I needed. Add to that the fact that they were just starting this Soul Revolution program the week we started!! Perfect. Not surprising. :-)

I'm happy. It's different for us. But we like it.