For MY Trivial Pursuit Partner, I Choose....

Over the years, I've listened to lots of people talk about various educational paths for their child.  We ended up on the fairly radical end of the unschooling continuum, but others opt for a very rigorous formal academic program.  One program is called, "The Well Trained Mind."   When I listened to what their lives looked like and the goals they were choosing for their child, it always made me think of correlations.

• You could dance with your family - or you could do a dance marathon.
• You could swim and play at the pool with your kids - or you could make them train for the Olympic swim team.
• You could go for evening walks after dinner with your family as a way to have healthy exercise incorporated into their daily routine for life - or you could train them to run in the next Boston Marathon.
• You could read to them every night before bed, snuggling and immersing yourselves in the story - or you could create a booklist of classics and require your child to read a new one per week for years.

There's nothing wrong with The Well Trained Mind.  Just like there's nothing wrong with running the Boston marathon.  It just depends on what your goals are.  And how you want to spend your time.  And what kind of role you want to play in your child's life. 

Nurturer or Taskmaster?

Guide or Enforcer?

Model or Authoritarian?

These are all your options as a parent. 

By the quick look at the yahoo groups, it's clear that thousands of homeschooling parents disagree with me. And at the risk of saying too much or pushing too hard, I would ask these people a couple more questions.

If you find you are drawn to The Well Trained Mind, why is that?

Are you excited at the prospect of creating Super Smart Homeschoolers? 

Or do you feel learning the classics is the "correct" education? 

Do you wish you had learned this yourself? 

As parents, we have to be careful to check our egos at the door. Kids are not extensions of us. We cannot wear their accomplishments on our lapel as if they are OUR badges of honor.  And if you feel you have to outshine the neighbor's kids, think again. Someone else's kid will always do better, look better, seem better. As humans we want to compete. But resist the urge. Your child needs you to love them for who they are - not who you wish they would be. You don't really need to have that bumper sticker on the car professing your child's academic prowess.

For those looking at the "correct" education, by whose standards? And at what price? You might be interested in a peek at my idea of What Should They Learn? . It might be a little startling to those who like the Trivium. But there will be little time for these ideas if you are engaged in such a formal education at home.

If you wish you had learned it as a child, what's stopping you now? Realistically, I think this is the only answer that has any merit. If you enthusiastically take on learning  "The Classics," you will be able to share your enthusiasm with your children and they will learn a great deal of information they might not otherwise. 

Of course, all this might do is make them a really good Trivial Pursuit player.

And that would be a terrible trade-off! As a homeschooling parent, you have the opportunity to create a space for your child to love learning, to become who they were meant to be, and to get to learn and live right beside them in love and enthusiasm.  If you turn your world in to a high stress battleground, you forfeit all of that. 

MCVD: Earth!

I think I'm going to make "Mondays 'Cool Video Day,'" MCVD.  Sure, I have a lot to say, but there are some really cool videos out there on the web. And, maybe everyone is a little tired of all I have to say!!

This is a 5 minute video that shows the earth from the satellite. It is so impressive with the Auroras and the lightening flashes. I kept finding myself wanting to  identify which part of the world I was looking at...unsuccessfully though. Then I went to the website and found the list. I added it below.

Enjoy!

Earth | Time Lapse View from Space, Fly Over | NASA, ISS from Michael König on Vimeo.



Shooting locations in order of appearance:

1. Aurora Borealis Pass over the United States at Night
2. Aurora Borealis and eastern United States at Night
3. Aurora Australis from Madagascar to southwest of Australia
4. Aurora Australis south of Australia
5. Northwest coast of United States to Central South America at Night
6. Aurora Australis from the Southern to the Northern Pacific Ocean
7. Halfway around the World
8. Night Pass over Central Africa and the Middle East
9. Evening Pass over the Sahara Desert and the Middle East
10. Pass over Canada and Central United States at Night
11. Pass over Southern California to Hudson Bay
12. Islands in the Philippine Sea at Night
13. Pass over Eastern Asia to Philippine Sea and Guam
14. Views of the Mideast at Night
15. Night Pass over Mediterranean Sea
16. Aurora Borealis and the United States at Night
17. Aurora Australis over Indian Ocean
18. Eastern Europe to Southeastern Asia at Night

Just a little wallowing....

What a weekend! I know blog posts aren't necessarily just a journal of the day, but with NaBlPoMo, I'm trying to come up with something!

And right now, I'm kind of in "Wallowing Mode!"

Turning 50 has been a pretty momentous year for me. It's the year 2 of my 3 kids moved away. Not just down the road to college but AWAY. Katie to New York City, home only for holidays. And Michael, to Nicaragua with the Peace Corps, home in 2 years. Probably not before that. My baby ended her high school experiment and started in Cosmetology. What that means FOR ME, because I'm guessing by now you realize that I'm only focusing on what all this means FOR ME! When she went to high school, she really was just going for the experience, I think she had about a 60-70% attendance rate. If she was tired, she stayed home. If we wanted to go out to lunch, we did. If she wanted to leave early, I picked her up. Suffice it to say, our heart was not really "into" that experience.  But now that she's in this cosmetology program - something she really cares about - she has something like a 104% attendance rate!  I know, how can you have more than 100%? She goes early and clocks in. So she is there Monday through Friday 8-5. Plus one weekend per month of extra classes. How that all translates for me is that she's never around.  And when she is, she is with her boyfriend. And I love that for her because they both make each other happy, but I'm missing her.

I am missing all of them. So much. You don't even know. But if you were with me this weekend, you might have a clue by my red swollen eyes.

When I brought my kids home to homeschool, I knew I was going to be incredibly involved in their lives. And as they approached their teens, I knew that it would only be for a finite number of years.  So I set up some gardening, started some writing, even restarted NHEN.  And these are  all good projects, but I'm noticing that they don't keep my attention the way doing things with my children did.

This has left a pretty big void in my life. And I want to be careful about what I put to fill the void. I don't want to just fill it with any ole thing. Still, I'm looking for what that will be.

This year also, I made the decision that my mother was too old to drive. She was not happy with the idea. I'll write another post later about what led to that decision and how hard it was to make. But not here. But that means I drive her around a lot. And she's very forgetful. And repetitive.

But this my 50th year, I'm able to say that my friendships are good. I have been able to reconnect with those who are far away from me, and keep in touch with those locally. I'd like to do this a little bit more.

I've joined a gym and tried to do more vegan recipes. I have a daunting number of pounds to lose in order to get healthy. But I'd love to be able to do more hiking and outdoor activities. And I have a huge learning curve for figuring out how to cook in a healthy way. Tofu sits for months in my fridge staring at me, daring me to try a recipe. The bag of quinoa from Whole Foods, just gets pushed to the side of the counter. I know it's good for me, but what the heck do I do with it???

And today, at my workshop, we talked about many things. Lots of old griefs were stirred up. My eyes are very tired from some of the crying I did. But I'm so happy with the group of people at the Toci center. Even though they are all so different from each other and from me, being there, listening to them, sharing with them, showed me lots of insights. It was a good thing.



I'll be back to regular blogging tomorrow, but for now, this is me.

The 4 Agreements

A small book with a huge ripple effect!

My friend, Cydney, and I came across this book written by Don Miguel Ruiz a few years ago. We had a lot of drama in our lives as our kids were in the midst of serious teenage angst. We read the books and thought it would be great to have them read the books as well. The principles were so simple and it would be so helpful for them to get control of some of the reactions they were having to circumstances that presented themselves.  Cydney bought several books and strategically placed them throughout their house.  I don't know if her children read them. In my house, Michael read it and loved it. (Of course)  Katie skimmed it, but wasn't interested really. And Alyssa let me read pieces of it to her. She often could see how it applied to others, but was having a hard time applying it to herself.

So Cydney and I decided we would simply try to learn more about it for ourselves. We read articles on line, listened to podcasts, and even attended a workshop focusing on an overview of The Four Agreements. We were hooked! We signed up for some more intensive study and began taking a Thursday night class. If we were going to see this work in our families, perhaps we simply needed to start with ourselves.

The 4 Agreements are simple:
1. Be Impeccable with your word means to speak the truth to yourself and to others. Avoid gossip.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally is understanding that it's not really about you. What others do or say tells about them, and their projections. When you recognize this, you can avoid so much pain and drama.
3. Don't Make Assumptions is all about communicating clearly. Check and double check if you are understanding what someone is saying or doing before you spin off weaving some story in your mind that may not be accurate at all.
4. Always Do Your Best, and this varies from day to day depending on how healthy we are that day. But strive to be the best we can be and avoid self-judgement and self-hatred if we fall short. Simply continue to do your best each day.

So today we're off to a weekend workshop on some of these principles. We discovered that it wasn't just the teens that needed to clean up some of the negative self-talk going on. We needed it too!

Veteran's Day

I come from a family of Veterans. Yet only one is still alive.  My dad was a veteran of World War II, my uncle was also, but he was in the Pacific theater. My father-in-law went to the Korean War. My husband went to Viet Nam, and the Gulf War.  My cousin's son also went to the War in the Gulf.  Everyone is gone except Ron.

I honor all veterans of all wars, those with incredible patriotism and courage to be willing to fight and die for our rights here in America. Today, I'm reminded that we don't always honor these vets and their sacrifices. We are a country of pulling your self up by your bootstraps. So when our veterans come back with problems, physical or mental, it goes against the grain. We are willing to rally around them while they are returning and/or recovering...initially. But we soon get busy with our lives and forget their needs. We agree with politicians who want to cut their benefits. We give them substandard care at some of the VA hospitals. But those soldiers and airmen believed America when they were told they would be cared for.  They had just made enormous sacrifices for us. They had no idea they'd be caught up in some bureaucratic faceless nightmare down the road.

My dad was on one of the boats sitting in the harbor while the first wave of D-Day set off land mines with their own bodies on the beaches of Normandy. He and his crews would bring their tanks across there 2 days later.  He told me that all he could remember from those 3 days was the smell of vomit and fear and tears as they watched the fates of the troops before them and awaited an unsure future for themselves.

He talked about hedgerows and being so quiet they could hear the Germans whispering on the other side and smell their particular cigarettes. He was only 23 when we went to war, but he was never able to go to Octoberfests for the rest of his life. The whispering of German voices nearby him made the hair on the back of his neck rise.

My dad was promoted to Captain and led tanks across France. At one point, his tank was hit with a grenade. All in his unit were melted into the steel, while he was shot out of the hatch like a cork.  He recovered in a Belgian hospital, and at some point, was given a key to the city and a bag of diamonds. They considered it small compensation for giving them their country back.

As you can see, my memories of his wartime history are sketchy. He's been gone a long time and, yes, I should have taken notes. But I was a kid, and laptops weren't around in the '70s. He and my mom did go to a reunion for his battalion. She said they treated him like a king. They were so happy to see him and reminisce on the days so long ago. He ended up only going to two reunions. He found them terribly depressing. I think it must be sad to be reminded of so much death.

My Uncle Jack quit high school and forged his ID so he could join the Marines. He spent time in the Pacific, but my knowledge of much more than that is sparse.

My father-in-law never talked about his experience in the Korean War. But I am painfully aware of his death in the VA hospital in Dallas. His doctors had very little to say and we had a difficult time even getting him water and baths. At one point, we were all ushered into our rooms and told to stay there, someone in the hallway was angry and wielding a gun. No one was shot, and Ron stayed with him until the end... which came much quicker than any of us anticipated.

My husband, Ron's, draft lottery number was 2. Recognizing the inevitability of it all, he joined the Air Force in the middle of his senior year at Mesquite High School.  He went to Utapao, Thailand, and became a B52 mechanic. Under "sappers", he crawled through the B52s searching for satchel charges which are basically bombs. He served 4 years before he came home. He was so disappointed to see the protestors' anti-war sentiment when he returned through the San Francisco airport four years later.  Not that he expected anyone to be PRO-war, he didn't anticipate them being anti-soldier.

Years later, when we were trying to figure out a way to afford to be a one-income family, he decided to rejoin the military, but this time as an officer. He sworn in in September of '98 and he was transferred to an 119th Evacuation Hospital out of Greensboro, NC. He managed the reservists while continuing to work on his degree. By Thanksgiving, he was packing out for Saudi Arabia. He was part of the advanced team to go and set up a hospital in the middle of the desert.  They did just that. The Christmas holidays were quickly approaching, I was pregnant with Katie. Michael was a toddler and hadn't turned two yet. We had moved back home to my mom's in Dallas to wait out the war.

Three days before Christmas, he was told they were just to stay put out in the desert and the reservists would join them after New Year's Day. The four of them just looked at each other. They had completed their work there. And while their families were braced to spend the holidays without them, they couldn't see a real need for that to happen. So they hatched a plan. The senior officer wrote some orders and they hopped a plane to Germany.  From there, they road across the Atlantic bundled up in blankets in jeeps and other vehicles that were being transported back. It was cold in those big C5s! But there was adrenaline rushing and they wanted to get home to surprise their families. They landed at Dover and all split up. Each was going to take a different route to their families and then meet back together on New Year's Day. They'd beat the troops back to the desert before they'd even know they had been AWOL. Or that was the plan. So Ron hitchhiked to catch a flight out of Philadelphia. He'd have to get to Dallas by way of O'Hare in Chicago. There he was, in his desert BDU's, still covered in sand (who had time or place to clean up?), a 45 in hand. Times were different then. The public seemed to feel badly about the treatment of the Viet Nam vets, so they rallied behind the troops. He got a ride and actually made the flight. He knew he couldn't part with his weapon, but even during pre-9/11 security days, letting him sit in his seat with it wasn't going to happen. They put it in a bin that he could keep visual contact with from his seat. Recognizing that he was clearly "just in from the desert," they bumped him to 1st class and gave him a bottle of champagne to take home. The entire plane cheered.

Back in Dallas, I was finally getting to sleep. Michael had gotten up with his last glass of water. I finally had closed my eyes. Suddenly, I heard the doorbell, and was awake. There was another knock at the door. I looked through the peep hole.  Every military wife's nightmare: a man in uniform knocking at the door. I could see the light from the taxi at the curb. I turned my back to the door. My mom came out and just looked at me horror-stricken. My 2-year old wandered down the hall to see what the commotion was. I was paralyzed.  I must not have stood there for very long, and Ron was able to see that the light had come on in the front hallway. But the door wasn't opening.  Then I heard a familiar voice shout, "Open the damn door, Sue!"  And, right on cue, I did. There he was, ears caked with sand, his sack of clothes over his shoulder. He waved the cabbie on. Did he think we might not be home at 2 a.m.?

Anyway, if you're curious, his commanding officers did hear where they were and simply looked away. They rejoined their troops just after New Year's and continued back to Saudi Arabia until May. He missed the birth of Katie, which happened in February - the day after the war officially ended. We claimed that she was a protestor in utero and refused to come out until it was OVER. So the hospital dubbed her Kuwaiti Katie.

Ron went on to finish his 20 years active duty with the Air Force. We started at Lackland AFB in San Antonio, TX, Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage, AK, Travis AFB in Fairfield, CA, then Sheppard AFB, Wichita Falls, TX.

 My cousin's son returned with serious PTSD and ultimately committed suicide. Ron's cousin never recovered from his own stint in Viet Nam.  Sometimes things go well and sometimes they do not. But all are left with life experiences that most of us cannot even fathom.

I'd just like to personalize Veteran's Day for you a little bit. Real people making extraordinary sacrifices. All so we can sit safely in our living rooms, vote in elections, raise our kids as we see fit.   When you get frustrated with how politics works or how the economy is or how America "ain't what it used to be," remember that men and women endured a great deal so you could be here.

 I received an email today with these numbers:  850,000 unemployed veterans are living here in our country, and more than a million will be returning from Iraq and Afganistan in the next few months and years. That's a lot. And they're going to need jobs. And insurance. And health care.  If you're in a position to help them, please do. And if you're not, simply vote in a way that thanks them for their service.

Happy Veterans' Day. 

Thank you to all who have served. We are so proud of you.

My Interview

Debbie Harbeson, from Indiana, runs a blog that interviews homeschooling families:

Homeschooling: Freedom and Fun For Your Family

Catch a glimpse inside the lives of families living in educational freedom! This blog is a showcase of short, fun interviews of homeschooling families of all types from all over the United States and the world. These festive, frisky, friendly and frolicsome interviews focus on freedom, flexibility and fun for families, for I feel this is what makes homeschooling flourish. That, and I just like f-words.

So I thumbed a few recent interviews, just to see who she'd already interviewed. Unbeknownst to me, Debbie's been interviewing people for years! Her blog shows that she's interviewed 98 people, but I think there are more than that. I was scrolling back through and I'm so excited! I'll be reading about these for some time now! Some of the interviewees are people I know, and some are just people I WANT to know! I feel like I'm in a nice little circle of folks.

Grab a cup of tea and peruse Debbie's interviews. I'll be over there finding out things I didn't know about people I do know, and people I don't.... yet! And if you want to know more about MY family...here's a copy of Debbie's interview.

No Boring Lecture-Style Learning: Sue Patterson’s Interview

Today’s interview from Sue is great in so many ways. For one thing, her family homeschooled in Texas, California and Alaska and as you read her answers you can see that, no matter where you are, you’ll likely find other homeschoolers to share good times.

Another bonus from Sue is a little update she gave on what her kids are up to currently. I have added that at the end.

Sue lives in Texas now and she has a blog A Life Full of Days where she writes about her current life as well as sharing “what we did, how we did it, what we learned, where we're headed.”

She has also been a board member for the National Home Education Network for over 11 years. I encourage you to check out their site, loads of good information!

But before you do, you really must hear about this family who didn’t need boring lectures because they were too busy having fun learning in other ways - like mummifying Barbies…

1. How long have you been homeschooling (or if finished, how long did you homeschool)?

We officially started homeschooling in 1996. Alyssa was 2, Katie 5, and Michael 7. We weren't one of those families who always knew they'd homeschool. I was a typical stay-at-home mom from the suburbs. But after Michael went to to Kindergarten and 1st grade, we noticed such a marked change in attitude. Our happy-go-lucky kid simply wasn't that anymore. Plus, he said things like, "You don't know, Mom. My teacher says to bring our questions to her, not our parents."

Great. The building of the wedge starts early! Like I wouldn't know the answer to a question by a 1st grader? Sheesh. The whole 2 years Michael was there, they kept pushing for me to take him to a doctor and be diagnosed with ADD. He was just rambunctious and didn't get enough physical activity there!

It happened that the military relocated us from San Antonio to Alaska. So I packed up Michael's school records and simply didn't reenroll him in school at our new home. We did send Katie to school that year, because I was so under-confident.

She went to 1/2 day kindergarten, while we dangled our toes in the homeschooling waters. But that was it for her. Alyssa went to preschool 3 days a week, because she wanted to ride in the neighborhood carpool. Then years later, she wanted to be on a drill team that danced at football half time shows. So she went to high school for a year and a half and did that. She was glad for the experience but quickly learned she didn't want to stay there. She really felt it was a waste of time and kept her from "getting on with her real life!"

So..you asked how long we homeschooled - since 1996.

2. One of the main benefits of homeschooling is the freedom and flexibility it allows. Can you give us a few examples of how this freedom and flexibility benefited you (your family)?

Well, homeschooling certainly gave us schedule flexibility over the years. We only had to work around my husband's work schedule if we wanted to plan road trips or vacations. And, as others have said, being able to plan these trips during the school year meant cheaper off-season rates and way shorter lines! We bought science and museum memberships and were able to go when there were no crowds, because most of them were in school at the time.

We also enjoyed flexibility in our day to day activities. Katie was able to participate in community theatre projects without having to worry about staying up late on school nights. She'd simply sleep in the next day. I felt badly for her fellow actors who were cramming math homework in between scenes at 11 p.m.!

Flexibility meant that Alyssa could spend hours wandering through horse stables with her dad and then later in California, hanging out there doing whatever ranch chores needed to be done. This ultimately led to riding lessons, owning a horse and taking care of it full time.

Later, because of Alyssa's flexible schedule, she was able to take on a make-up internship with a natural make-up company in Austin. She was available to work back stage at fashion shows and learn all about the industry that she loves.

Michael's flexible hours enabled him to work so he could save up enough money to go to Japan as an exchange student.

For me, freedom and flexibility are the most important advantages about homeschooling. Freedom meant we were able to decide the best for our children without others (with their own agendas) making those decisions for us. The kids were free to learn about their own interests and strengthen their passions.

Our lives were flexible enough that when we stumbled upon some gem we wanted to explore further, we were free to do just that. When park days lasted into the evening - we didn't have to rush off and get some scheduled learning completed. Life in general kept bringing learning opportunities. And our flexible schedule allows us to take advantage of all of it!

3. Another benefit of homeschooling is the fun factor. Can you give us a few examples of some especially fun times you had as a result of homeschooling?

We went to some great homeschool conferences (HSC's Home+Education, Live and Learn, Rethinking Education) where the kids could meet kids from all over the state or the country. They were able to hang out usually for at least a whole weekend with each other. Many stayed in touch afterwards.

In Alaska, we banded together with other families to create regular park days, nature center excursions, museum field trips. We had days of sledding on hills that would have normally been packed - but the other kids were in school. We went berry-picking and whale-watching; we even spent the night in a penguin room at a museum in Seward. We had friends over throughout the week for hours on end. Moms created book clubs, shared ideas, or just chatted while kids played together.

In California, we joined groups that already existed. They had weekly park days at huge playscapes, and then we'd move to friends houses for potluck dinners. We had themed "Make & Takes" - families brought supplies for a small craft or food assembly and then the kids went from table to table making stuff and having fun.

My husband Ron volunteered to take Katie & Michael along with 20 other kids and chaperones on the Gaslight, a 108-foot square rigger, in the San Francisco Bay. They spent the day sailing around Sausalito and Alcatraz. He also helped with an overnight Civil War reenactment at Angel Island that the kids were invited to attend.

We had various "co-op" style learning activities with 20+ families usually. Some kids participated, others played along at the periphery. Each time we got together for these activities, they were completely engaging and fun. We didn't do boring lecture-style learning! We mummified Barbies, staged a Civil War battle, hired people to teach Improv, created musicals in our backyards…just to name a few!

In Texas, we did a lot with 4H. We helped grow a small homeschool 4H club. By being homeschoolers, we were able to work on most of the projects during the day - we did community service projects, theatre productions, nutrition quiz bowl, speech and vocal competitions - not what you'd think of initially when a person mentions 4H. But they had all kinds of things we could tap into if we were interested.

4. We all have funny experiences while homeschooling. Can you share one of yours with us?

One quirky thing that we do is quote movie lines. We've done it for years - usually throughout the entire dinnertime, but sometimes just when someone simply passes by. One person shares a somewhat obscure movie line and the others have to guess which movie it comes from.

But here's one funny story for each kid…

When Alyssa was about 5, she had joined a soccer team. One night, we were reading The Indian in the Cupboard, and the kids were all piled on my bed. Alyssa had fallen asleep wedged between Michael and Katie.

We came to an exciting part in the story that read, "He knocked some more!"

With that, Alyssa sat straight up , threw her arms in the air and shouted, "She shoots, she SCORES!" Never opening her eyes, she smiled and nestled back down into the covers.

We laughed hysterically - and repeated, "He knocked some more - she shoots, she scores!" for years.

When the kids were in Alaska, they were part of a performing group called The Sunshine Generation. They sang and danced in parades, at shopping malls, in performance halls, and nursing homes.

Katie, especially, loved the stage! At her first big performance, maybe there were a couple hundred people in the audience. She was up on stage getting into position. She was about 6. She scanned the audience looking for us and finally found her dad. It was as if she were playing her own private game of charades: she put her hands up to her face and motioned as if taking a snapshot with a camera, and then pointed to herself.

She continued to repeat this over and over - as if we were going to forget to take her picture! Ron just grinned and lifted the camera up so she could see he had it and was ready. She planted her bejeweled tap shoes firmly on the stage and gave him a double thumbs up. The crowd chuckled and a few of the audience members close to us whispered, "Good job, Dad!"

Michael played on a volleyball team in Texas. During one game, he missed the ball and the crowd fell silent. He turned to look up at his dad and me and shouted, "I lost it in the sun!"

The crowd laughed, because we were playing INDOORS!. But Ron leaned over to me and whispered, you know he just gave us a movie line, right?

We have so much fun with our kids - and still do! Life's always an adventure!

******************************************

Here’s a bit about what Sue’s kids are up to now:

Michael loved doing community service and learning about other cultures...now he's in the Peace Corps in Nicaragua.

Katie loved acting and did tons of it. She ended up getting an agent, did some commercials and a movie, and is now studying in NYC at the New York Film Academy.

And Alyssa who loved fashion and make-up is now going to a Vidal Sassoon Cosmetology School and will have her license to do hair and make-up at 18.

Just some of the things that happen when kids are allowed to follow their interests. 

Why Attack the Messenger?

I see the signs.  My Occupy Wall Street posts on Facebook have less and less “Likes.”  I stopped clicking “Share.”  But my position didn’t change.

I’ve been reading a lot from people who oppose the Occupy Wall Street position.  Instead of giving thumbnail sound-byte type information, I’ve come up with a few thoughts of my own.

I still applaud those who “took to the streets” when their voice was not being heard. They rose from the ashes of apathy and in spite of being ignored for weeks, or worse, pressed on.  And now, as temperatures drop, they continue to stand.  This simple act of OWNING their country, and not throwing up their hands in disgust and resignation, makes me smile. It gives me hope.

And then I read more about their situation. My hope starts to fade.  I think about my kids' futures. I think about the Oakland police, ill-equipped to deal appropriately with peaceful protestors. I think about how quickly America is to support underdogs in oppressive regimes in OTHER countries, but maybe not when it happens at home. Focusing on these issues doesn't really solve the larger problem facing us all.

So I read some more.

The Wall Street Journal (Nov.7, 2011) wrote “GenerationJobless:  For Those Under 24, A Portrait in Crisis.”

Though workers of all ages face economic headwinds, teens and adults under the age of 24, especially those with little or no college education, are faring the worst, economists say. The 16.7% unemployment rate among Americans in that group is more than twice the rate for workers 25 and older.

And if you want to see Labor Statistics about how the young adults are faring, look at this:

“The Kids Are Not Alright” from the Economic Policy Institute.

In the past 4 recessions, young adults are experiencing a significantly higher rate of unemployment AND it’s gone on for more weeks than ever seen before.

If the middle-aged employed people could stop focusing on themselves and look at the bigger picture, we might actually find a solution. But instead, they say “Stop railing against those of us who have done well!” Why do the entrepreneurs who HAVE done well, voice their concerns against these protestors?  Why not side with them and say, “Yes, corporations are completely out of control and something must be done to stop them.” Instead they get self-focused, fearing their slice of the pie might get a little smaller.   Shouldn’t  ALL Americans be horrified that banks got bailouts and didn’t let any of it trickle down?  Shouldn’t everyone be enraged when corporations take over of our political system and congressional choices are being bought and sold by lobbyists?

When people want less government intervention for big businesses, I’m struck by the thought that that’s exactly what happened.  No one was watching them and they ran amuck.  It was the lack of government intervention that exacerbated the problem and took Americans to the brink of disaster. The temporary tax cuts were supposed to be just that…temporary. But everyone got comfortable with paying less taxes and…surprise, surprise!... our country has less money!  I’d love to say that businesses took that opportunity of tax relief and found a way to make their business more stable. But that’s not what they did. They took the money and banked it. They set up systems to move the jobs overseas. They fretted that the government might want more from them so they hunkered down and didn’t do anything that would help the American economy.

Facts are facts, too many people are unemployed.  And our unemployment numbers aren’t even accurate because if a person stops looking for a job in their chosen field, they’re not even included in the numbers any longer. Then there are those who are patching together jobs at Starbucks and McDonalds, just to keep their head above water. This is not what our young adults envisioned their life would look like. It’s not what we told them it would look like. They’ve entered their early adult years with debt and no safety net. We sat by and let Big Corporations steamroll our economy….and no, I am not talking about your small business on Main Street.  I don’t know whether it’s because we (adults 35-55) were so busy trying to stay afloat ourselves that we didn’t look into it, if we counted on the Anderson Coopers of the world to keep everyone honest, or we were intimidated when CEOs implied we were not savvy enough to understand. But  maybe we just liked aligning ourselves with The Successful People.   

 

And so when unemployment rises, and people are saying, “we believed you, but you lied,” the response is, “Now, now, you just don’t understand.”  “Trust us, we know what’s best.” Or “What are all these ignorant ragamuffins doing protesting on Wall Street? They just want a free handout.”    

Maybe they don’t understand a lot of the intricacies – I know I don’t.  But they know they are unemployed. They know that large corporations are doing remarkably well in this economy that is crushing them.   When opponents to Occupy Wall Street shout, “What do you want? Socialism?” Why weren’t they yelling when the government went the socialism route to bail out banks or loaned billions to automobile giants? Have you seen Detroit? That money never made it to the blue-collared workers.

Instead of writing against the protestors, what if we simply helped young adults find a way out of this dark hole?  What if we stopped with partisan finger-pointing  and took time to see how to get our country back?  Prolonged unemployment has serious ramifications on any society.  We need to look at the real problems and not get carried away with picking at the messengers of Occupy Wall Street. Does anyone else hear Big Business Corporations chuckling to each other about how the masses are turning on each other and ignoring what they’re doing?

Exploring Your Interests WILL Take You Places!

So what do you want to be when you grow up?

How often do kids hear this? I know I heard it, my kids heard it. And it did have an impact. From an early age we start thinking about what kind of occupation we want for our Grown Up Life.   We show an interest in the way the body works, our grandma says we should be a doctor. We want to visit the pet store, our aunt thinks we should become a vet. We like little kids, maybe a teacher.  But if we show an interest in drawing, odds are, our dad will tell us, "You can't really make a living at that." If we want to play a lot of video games, our mom reminds us that "You can't do that for the rest of your life."

So we're pushed and we're pulled and all the while, we're just curious. We find things that make us happy and we want to do them.

Michael & Tomohiro

My son Michael, knew he was interested in travel. He especially liked to learn about other cultures. We had an exchange student from Japan when he was 12, and that was clearly the jumping off place. At 16, he went to Japan himself for 2 months as an exchange student. In college, he took a semester and studied anthropology and archaeology in Belize. He graduated with a degree in Journalism and a plan to become a Travel Writer. He's currently in the Peace Corps and working with high school students in Nicaragua.

Katie in CATS

My daughter Katie wanted to be on a stage from the very beginning. She'd sit on the counter in the bathroom and watch herself belt out songs from Fievel Goes West. She had an enormous ability to memorize lines. She performed in the living room along with shows on TV, moved into skits in our backyard with friends, then on to community theatre. Her interest in acting and singing continued to grow and she did more shows, took more lessons, landed some commercials, and even films. Because her desires didn't waver, she now is studying at the New York Film Academy and living her dream.

Alyssa applying Zombie Make-up

Alyssa was the one who was most interested in pop culture and the fashion/make-up world. She taped pictures of movie stars with their beautiful hair and make up all over her room. Her interest continued.  At a farmer's market in Austin, I spoke with a woman who was making her own natural make-up. I noticed that she did classes for younger teens. I was immediately drawn to that because i was secretly hoping Alyssa would curb her heavy eyeliner obsession. We signed up for the class and the woman offered Alyssa an internship in her shop. Alyssa learned how to make the make-up, how to apply it on models. She worked with photographers, learned about lighting,  and worked backstage at fashion shows. She had found her niche.  It was a natural step for her to go to a local cosmetology school and learn more. So when she found a Vidal Sassoon school nearby, she signed up and started classes.

Alyssa & her guinea pig 

Just to be clear though, each them explored all kinds of different paths before choosing the one they are on.  They took other classes, got jobs, joined teams, but over time, their interest in these particular areas continued to rise to the top, while the others fell away. A great example of this is Alyssa's love of animals. From an early age, she spent hours playing with pets. She read books about them, she cut out pictures of them... if there were animals, she wanted to see them! Later, she discovered horses and wanted to be around them all the time. Because people often told her, "You should be a vet," she started to tell people that's what she wanted to do. But she really didn't know what vets did…until we moved to a ranch in Texas. Her horse had turned his head into a Mesquite tree thorn. The vet had to come out to the house.  I will spare you the gruesome details, but after watching the vet remove the thorn, Alyssa decided she did NOT want to be a vet. She would continue her love of animals, but dealing with sick or injured animals was not her thing. Good to know before we spent thousands of dollars at Texas A & M for vet school!

What if we, as adults, stopped the conversations about what someone is going to be. And instead, just enjoy the moment. Play with the puppies. Find some cool drawing books. Learn to play the video game with your child.  Eliminate any pressures. No big plans. Just stay with it until it either branches into something else, or continues to go deeper. Because life works itself out. And without a lot of nudging in various directions, kids really WILL know what they like to do by the time they're in their late teens. They will have had an opportunity to really get to know themselves and their true interests. 

Sometimes, when you read about kids going off to college, you hear parents say, "How do they know what they want to be at 18?"  But kids who've been given the opportunity to freely explore what they like to do in their younger years, OFTEN know what they want to try for a career - or at least where they want to start. They just needed  that time and space to listen to their own inclinations without a heavy influence on what might be a successful career move.

Here we are at Olive Garden, Summer 2011
Michael is about to leave for the Peace Corps
Katie is going to an NYC film school
Alyssa is starting in a Vidal Sasoon cosmetology school

Ladies Who Lunch

Today several of my friends met for lunch at a Junior Forum fundraiser, Christmas at the Caswell House.  I brought my mom, who loves these kinds of events, and so did several of my friends. I'm reminded of the  "Mommy and Me" Events we used to have for Girl Scouts, only the "girl" at the event, was 40-50ish and the mom...well, they'd prefer I just say "older" or "mature." OK. So it struck me as funny when I'd lose track of my mom on one of the floors. I had this urge to say, "I've lost my Mommy!" But I think it would have only been funny to me.  So I tried to refrain. 

The Caswell House is in the center of Austin. It's all decked out in Christmas, inside and out. Each room has all kinds of decorations for us to buy - all part of the fundraiser. They had 2 really cool trees, my pictures didn't turn out, so I'll explain. One was an "Upside Down Tree." Now they have huge 12 foot ceilings at this house. And all the ornaments hang down from the branches, with the widest part happening up at the ceiling and then it tapers down to the point lower into the room. It's just such a great way to show off all the ornaments - they don't get lost in the tree! 

The other tree I loved was a Snowfall Tree. It had TINY little pieces of styrofoam balls - smaller than BB's. The tree continuously sprays them out the top and down over the branches. Then it's all caught in a kind of elastic saucer that spans the bottom of the tree. The styrofoam is then vacuumed up the trunk and shot up against a small upside down saucer that makes it look like snow is falling of the branches. I just loved it!!!

So we shopped for a while and then went upstairs for lunch. It's funny to me how life changes. For years, I went to luncheons like this with the military. Every time we moved, I'd get involved in the Officers' Wives' Club because it was a fast way to meet people. It was just a way of life. Once we moved to Texas, I didn't really do that anymore. Mainly because my kids were a little older and I was really involved in their stuff, carting them from place to place, and I made friends with homeschooling moms more than military moms. 

My mom, on the other hand, really preferred that I do more of this. She LOVED hearing about my going to these luncheons. I think she was always holding out hope that I'd be more "refined" than I apparently am!   So she was thrilled that my friends and I were interested in going to this event - and even MORE thrilled that I invited her to come.  

Clouds rolled in, and even though it was in 70's and quite muggy, at least it was STARTING to look like winter around here.  Christmas at the Caswell House just nudged it along. 

Camping In Autumn

Ron's the camper in our family. In Alaska, he went on expeditions in below zero weather. Las Spring, he took Michael and Kelly Berg to the Big Bend. This is particularly sweet because we used to camp with the Berg family when the kids were little. And Dave, Kelly's dad, went on that winter camping expedition with Ron. Dave's ashes were spread at Big Bend fairly recently, and Ron and Michael took Kelly back there to visit.

Camping always seemed to strengthen bonds - within our family as well as with our friends.

Katie 1997

Because we moved so often with the military, our family campouts were scattered all over the country. We camped on the beach outside Santa Barbara with literally hundreds of homeschoolers. We've watched black bears poke around for food in neighboring campsites at Denali State Park. We've camped on the Blue Ridge Parkway, on the banks of the Eagle River, on Homer Spit, Bodega Bay, and Yellowstone - to name a few! Our kids grew up making s'mores, playing in the campfire smoke, and finding constellations in the nighttime sky. It's a fairly inexpensive way to spend a lot of time together with your family.

As the kids have grown, family camping trips have dwindled in numbers. Occasionally, Ron would take Michael or Alyssa off on a weekend, one at a time. Schedules are just tougher when kids go off to school or work. It's not unusual for Ron to go off on a solo camping trip these days. He packs his motorcycle with the bare necessities - that's all he needs - and he's off to the Great Outdoors.

Katie Alyssa Michael - 1999

 But this trip was different. Texas record heat was finally behind us. Ron, Alyssa, Josh (Alyssa's boyfriend) and I were all talking about camping. The weather was cooler and the leaves were falling. Definitely our kind of camping weather.  So I gave Ron my schedule for weekends in November, and he to a reservation at Mother Neff State Park, just north of Temple, Texas.  Katie and Michael are off in New York and Nicaragua, so they obviously weren't going to be joining us.  After the date was set, Alyssa reminded us that she had a special class to take that Sunday. She'd have to bail and join us next time.

Ok, then.

Just Ron and me, no kids at all. The last time we camped without kids was probably 1986 - nearly 25 years ago!  But after all this time, I'm used to changes in plans. But, for me, this felt really different.

Campsite Antics of Yesteryear!

Ron left Friday night to get a good campsite. The tens were really cold, I wimped out and decided to join him the next morning. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. The smell of the campfires, rustling of the leaves, the creaking of the trees rubbing against each other in the wind - fabulous! We couldn't help but notice that all the campsites around us were full of families with children. Babies cried, dogs barked, kids skateboarded and played catch all around us.


Ron's been camping a lot without it being a whole family experience. I have not. So we reminisced about past campouts and our children's crazy antics over the years. We were relieved we didn't have to calm any babies, watch over the pyro tendencies of our children, or make sure someone wasn't falling into the river. We took pictures of nature itself - instead of pictures with kids as the focal point and nature as just a prop. I texted the kids to say goodnight and sent them this picture of our campfire. It was peaceful and relaxing... yet definitely a melancholy moment for me.  The sun set and I sat by the crackling campfire writing while Ron hit the hay.

Yes, it feels like Autumn.

Pay Attention!

 Consider these scenarios...

When I was little, I was one of those children who talked a lot and LOUDLY. I can remember my cousin actually turning to my dad saying, "Does she have a volume button?" Obviously, I did not. Nor did I forget the comment. I tell you this because I want you to know that I get it. My mom, who had an exhausting job, would have to come home to this high energy kid who wanted to talk and talk and talk.  I can remember sitting on the floor while she read the paper or a book and just nodded along at me. I'd ask her, "Are you listening?" "Mhm," would be her reply. Nothing more. I knew she was not listening.

When my kids were little, I was trying to juggle a variety of things at once. My kids were around all the time, since we homeschooled. They were ESPECIALLY around if I was on the phone with someone. Which was often. The internet was just taking off and I was thrilled about talking with other moms from around the country.  My kids would ask me questions and bring something to show me. They'd ask me, "Are you listening?" "Mhm," would be my reply. Nothing more. I wasn't listening to them.

Skip forward another decade and shoe is on the other foot. My teens are sitting with me in the car. I'm asking them something about their day. They're texting on their phone. From the moment they walked out the door, then there was a brief moment of "calling shotgun" for the front seat, then back to non-stop texting.  I'd ask, "Are you listening to me?" "Mhm," would be their reply. Nothing more. They weren't listening.

I give all three of these scenarios because I think you'll be able to relate to at least one of them. No one was doing anything malicious in any of these situations.  People were just caught up in the moment.  Everyone has probably been the victim and the ignorer at some point in their lives. Probably at multiple points in their lives.

But I think as parents who want to do better - as PEOPLE who want to do better - we need to adjust ourselves.  Life flies by quickly. At 50, I'm well aware of that fact.  The people who are in our lives are there because we value them.  They deserve our attention. Real attention. That attention we give indicates to them how much we love them, how we appreciate them, how they MATTER in our lives.

It's a habit of laziness really, a lack of thoughtfulness.  It's not being fully conscious about the every day life decisions we are making. I really want to be present for the people that are in my everyday life. And I want them to be present with me.

If your child wants to talk with you, appreciate them. Give them your full attention. They are mentally noting how you interact with them.  It's telling them their worth and your interest in them. And think of how that translates for later in their life...if a mother is not interested in them, who would be? These are big messages we are conveying and so often, we don't even realize it's happening.

Make an agreement that there will be actual conversation with the person in front of you - your child, your partner, your friend. Put down the texting, stop reading your email, don't glance at your Facebook newsfeed. Let people know that they DO matter to you. Look them in the eyes and really listen to them.

Holding onto the Side of the Pool

When I was little, I took a lot of swimming lessons. My dad was a great swimmer and I loved the water.  Still, like lots of kids, I lacked confidence. I would have serious doubts about my abilities to do things. 

So when I had to swim from the shallow end to the lifeguard stand as the "graduation" from Intermediate classes, I was nervous. My dad was a football coach, so he understood about breaking it into smaller steps and practice, practice, practice. Every night, we'd go to the pool. He'd have me swim along near the edgel while he'd walk along beside me, cigarette lodged in the side of his mouth. It was the 60's and everyone smoked - everywhere!  

At first, he'd offer encouragement, "You can do it Susie!" "Keep going!" "Push!" …things like that. But then he started to notice that when he did offer his cheers from the side, I'd grab the side of the pool and say, "What?" I was simply taking the opportunity to rest.  It wasn't long before he stopped trying to say things to me while I swam. Still, I could see his murky outline on deck as I turned to catch a breath. I'd stop and hold the side, "Did you say something?". 

"No! Keep swimming." He had figured me out.  I was probably 6 or 7  and, truth be told, he probably figured it out long before I realized he was onto me!  

Still, I would use this technique to try to interrupt my swimming workout, time and time again. He would continue to walk with me, shaking his head to indicate he was NOT speaking to me at this point.  His disappointment was palpable, even though unspoken. I really WAS trying to "cheat" on the swim. 

Years passed and he and I continued to use that phrase as a metaphor.  If I was taking the easy road, not challenging myself, he'd say, "Are you holding onto the side of the pool again?"  He and I knew exactly what that meant. He spent many a day telling me how I could do anything I put my mind to, and how some things are worth working for.  I was a true Daddy's Girl.  But he knew I had a tendency to go the easy way, or see if someone or something could rescue me from the obstacle I was facing. Less challenging might feel good at the moment, but overall, it's so unsatisfying.  Stagnating, even. And worse, it chips away at me. It only exacerbates any kind of low confidence moments I'm having. It's a negative cheerleader. It's the one saying, "Give up. It's too hard." "You can't do it anyway. Stop now." "How embarrassing."  

I don't know how I acquired it, but for most of my teen years I had a little decoupage plaque that hung on my wall. It was a picture of a setting sun with a small sailboat going out. It said, 

" A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."

My dad has been dead for over 20 years, and I still have all these mental connections to water. When you're swimming and you turn your face to get a breath, if your eyes are open, you can sort of see through the pool water.  I can still see his blurry image as he walked along the side of the pool with me as if it were yesterday. Still I can hear his voice asking, "SusieQ, are you holding on to the side of the pool?" 

Every day brings some sort of challenge, small or large. And every night I can look back and see how I did with it.  I try hard to do my best. Well, sometimes I try hard. Sometimes I procrastinate.  And it's really just another way of holding onto the side of the pool, I guess.

Lists! Lists! Lists!

Sometimes I feel like my To Do List is simply too huge. Other times, I get this feeling of accomplishment simply by creating the ToDo List.  What's that about? It's not like I completed anything on the list. But there I go blithely skipping through my day - accomplishing nothing really.

That's not altogether true.  I just don't get around to the things on my list.  How could a person be so good at procrastinating? YEARS of practice!  I don't even realize I'm doing it. Until about 4:30, when others are about to come home and I'm still in PJ's!  So. Now you know.

Perhaps I should do two lists. (Can you tell making lists simply makes me happy?)

So my Big To-Do List includes:
1.) Finish cleaning my room and move the furniture to the better location
2.) Gather the stuff for the Salvation Army pick up
3.) Get the measurements and replace the drapes in the upstairs game room
4.) Poke around fabric stores and get ideas for drapes in the living room
5.) Figure out a way to get more homeschooled teens to complete my survey for my book
6.) Clean out my closet and put clothes that don't fit in Rubbermaid tubs.
7.) Clean out from under the stairway closet

8.) Scan the Christmas pictures for the video I want to make
9.) Build the greenhouse for the backyard
10) Gather up the huge acorns from my front yard to make some beautiful Fall arrangement

My more realistic, less monumental List:
1.) Make soup for dinner (simmering on the stove now - I love putting things on the list that are already done. Does it count though?)
2.) Run a load of laundry (waiting on the bathroom floor now)
3.) Go to water aerobics (trying to think of reasons not to go)
4.) Blog something wildly interesting and engaging (yeahh right. If only that was my style!)
5.) Help Cydney with her bio (she is such a good writer, why she needs me I have no idea!)
6.) Take Alyssa to get her hair cut by Matt on 6th Street (Yes, she goes to Cosmetology school but really doesn't trust her classmates with her OWN hair)
7.) Get the plants into the ground that were purchased LAST weekend before they dry out. (Really I should water the WHOLE yard. Just because temps have dropped doesn't mean we're not still in a drought here! Just look at my drying up plants!)
8.) Talk to Pam about our projects (NHEN, Learning International, coming here for a board meeting, future books)
9.) Chat with friends (Facebook walls, in email messages, on the phone - that takes up a LOT of time)
10.) Read the blogs at the November BlogRoll on Blogher.com (I really love that website and haven't gotten a chance to look at everything yet! Did you see that I'm #1470 on the blogroll? Of course you didn't, but I'm still soo excited to see it there!)

I didn't add Oprah's Life Class on my list, but I probably should have. Even though it's on the DVR, I seem to be adding it into my daily "routine." I love her new shows.

Then again, looking for cool stuff on Pinterest is calling me!

Why Write?

The prompt for Day 2 of National Blog Posting Month, is

"What is your favorite part about Writing?"

 

...which, for me, translates into "Why do you like to write?"

 

I write for a variety of reasons.  First, I've always loved words. From Dr. Seuss to the Dalai Lama, words have fascinated me. They can evoke so many emotions and thoughts in the reader. That's really powerful! I love to read what others have to say, and I often find myself with some kind of rebuttal or additional comment in my head. So the natural thing for me to do is write it down. 

I can remember living in Alaska (we were in the military, so we moved often), and I was taking a shower. I had been reading an interesting commentary about homeschooling and I just felt compelled to write! So I reached over to some of the packing paper from the top of the box and just started scribbling out my thoughts.  It must have been a strange sight, this middle-aged woman in a towel, sitting on the edge of a bed loaded with unpacked knick-knacks, trying not to drip on my thoughts being poured onto a piece of paper.  Maybe, I'm just all too aware of how forgetful I am. And if I don't write it down, it's probably going to be lost! haha!

Anyway, I'm rambling...

I like writing because I like to be inspired and I like to inspire. I really think we are put here for a reason, and our job is to figure out what that reason is.  Even at 50, I'm not 100% sure what my Purpose is. I've raised wonderful children, out having adventures of their own. And I love documenting what's going on with our family. That's what I've used my blog for primarily. But now I'm in this "Second Half" of Life. And I have this inkling that I'm on the verge of something amazing. Maybe it will show up in my writing.

National Blog Posting Month - NaBloPoMo!

I've been a fan of National NOVEL Writing Month for years. The kids have done it. I've even attempted it myself! But life got in the way and the 50,000 word goal slipped through my fingers. I was completely unaware that under the radar (or at least MY radar), for the past 5 years, people have taken the NaNoWriMo concept and created NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, a much more do-able spinoff for me. One blog post per day for the entire month of November.  Holidays, weekends, no exceptions.

So, why oh why am I doing this, you ask? Simple. I want to get better at blogging and writing. And there's truth in the idea that the more you do it, the better you get.  The BlogHer website has all kinds of links and helpful tutorials.

If you're part of the NaBlo community, leave a comment with your link and I'll follow your blog as well. Anyone just cruising by can cheer us both on!!  And, if you're not participating...why the heck aren't you? It's a good writing exercise! And if you're thinking that you will run out of things to blog about, the BlogHer website is sending out daily writing prompts. The general theme for November is Blogging for Blogging Sake! See? You can work with that! Now, let's do this!


On your mark.
Get set.

Did I mention that there are PRIZES????

Go!!!!