Thursday, November 17, 2011

Nicaragua...really? For HOW long?

What's a mom to do when their child grows up and wants to go somewhere a little....dangerous? Learn to meditate is one option. But I'll have to save that for another post. Accept that always talking about our lives in terms of "adventures," actually sunk in. And so Michael wanted an adventure when he graduated from college. He wanted to join the Peace Corps. And they wanted to send him to Nicaragua.

Initially I was going to write about how it's been for him over there. And I will. But I'm still a little wrapped up in MY experience of it all. Suffice it to say, it's hard. I'm coming into a Holiday season without my first baby.  For the last 21 years, I've celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas and his birthday and Easter with him. Not this year. And not again until 2013.  So I try to breathe through it. Lean into it. Whatever other little phrase that helps me get through the moment.  It comes in waves.

I can distract myself, there's plenty going on. Three dogs in the house, a greenhouse going up, Alyssa's cosmetology school, Katie (who IS coming home for Thanksgiving and I am absolutely THRILLED about that!), Josh (Alyssa's boyfriend) starting full time at the fire department at the end of the month....there's lots going on here. But even as I'm typing, two little tears squeak out of the corners of my eyes.  There's an incomplete feeling. And I think I just have to face it.

Do I put up his stocking? Will it just make me cry more?  He's just gone for two years, why am I making this so hard? I'm really not the dramatic type.

He has been with a really loving family in La Paz. And I'm really not bothered by the fact that he calls her Mama. (Yes, I heard him say that to her when I was on the phone with him a few weeks ago.) I actually am reassured that someone is there to be a Mama to him.  I know he'll do fine.

I, on the other hand...


Reticula said...

Put up his stocking. Grief makes a better companion than enemy. You just have to let it be with you. Hugs.

Sue said...

Thanks. I will. I can't really imagine NOT having it up there. Hugs to you too.

hilinda said...

Josh got hired?
Not that I know Josh, at all, but I know how competitive it can be to go career.
Congratulations, and the best of luck to him.

Sue said...

He DID get hired - FINALLY!
You kind of know him in that all firefighters are connected!

But yes, it was a grueling process. He graduated from the Fire Academy last Christmas. Then Austin had all kinds of problems and he had a glitch in his paperwork. Not a bad thing, because he really wanted to get on here in Pflugerville. So after months of a hiring process, he placed 6th, when they were only hiring 5! arrrghhh! even though he did great on the physical endurance test, the written test, and one of his reference letter people sat on his interview board! But they went with 5 experienced firefighters. They called him to say he would be next on the list, should an opening come up, or next spring, when they knew someone was leaving. Everyone in this dept. knows him. So he talked to the trainer, saying he just missed it. Next thing you know, he's getting a call from HR saying they ARE going to take him, because they know for sure the other guy is leaving in the Spring (more like January) and there'd be no point to run a special training for one. So he's in with the 5 experienced guys. They're working on medical stuff (he has his EMT) and working out together. His official start date for the one month of training is the Monday after Thanksgiving. But he's super busy getting ready. We're so happy for him! It's all he's ever wanted! :)

More than you wanted to know, I'm sure!!! hahaha