What's a mom to do when their child grows up and wants to go somewhere a little....dangerous? Learn to meditate is one option. But I'll have to save that for another post. Accept that always talking about our lives in terms of "adventures," actually sunk in. And so Michael wanted an adventure when he graduated from college. He wanted to join the Peace Corps. And they wanted to send him to Nicaragua.
Initially I was going to write about how it's been for him over there. And I will. But I'm still a little wrapped up in MY experience of it all. Suffice it to say, it's hard. I'm coming into a Holiday season without my first baby. For the last 21 years, I've celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas and his birthday and Easter with him. Not this year. And not again until 2013. So I try to breathe through it. Lean into it. Whatever other little phrase that helps me get through the moment. It comes in waves.
I can distract myself, there's plenty going on. Three dogs in the house, a greenhouse going up, Alyssa's cosmetology school, Katie (who IS coming home for Thanksgiving and I am absolutely THRILLED about that!), Josh (Alyssa's boyfriend) starting full time at the fire department at the end of the month....there's lots going on here. But even as I'm typing, two little tears squeak out of the corners of my eyes. There's an incomplete feeling. And I think I just have to face it.
Do I put up his stocking? Will it just make me cry more? He's just gone for two years, why am I making this so hard? I'm really not the dramatic type.
He has been with a really loving family in La Paz. And I'm really not bothered by the fact that he calls her Mama. (Yes, I heard him say that to her when I was on the phone with him a few weeks ago.) I actually am reassured that someone is there to be a Mama to him. I know he'll do fine.
I, on the other hand...